Being the 4th of July, I should probably write about how great this country is, or what I appreciate about having freedom or something patriotic.
But instead, I just want to share this little story…
My husband and I were at an all-time low last week.
It was bad.
We are under a lot of stress right now, so things are more tense than usual.
I wanted to blame everything on him.
But the reality of the situation is that we are both to blame.
And the fucking money troubles are still hanging over our heads.
I think the fact that we are not always working together has something to do with that.
We aren’t going to get out of this financial bullshit when we are constantly, as the therapist puts it, blaming and shaming.
I won’t get into specifics, but yesterday, I moved out of my comfort zone.
Yesterday, I managed to react to a familiar exchange with my husband in a different way.
I didn’t want to do it.
I wanted to do what I usually do.
But what I usually do isn’t working.
So that’s kind of dumb.
So yesterday I did something that was uncomfortable for me.
Something different.
And you know what happened?
Instead of getting into a big fight, instead of us retreating to our separate corners, I kept my cool. I responded differently than I normally would have.
And a little while later, my husband apologized.
That has never happened before.
We have the same arguments over and over and over.
Sometimes I have been justified in being upset.
But it often escalates. You know, to the point where you are fighting about shit that has nothing to do with why you got pissed in the first place.
Where you can’t even remember what it was that started the whole fucking thing to begin with.
And I wanted to blame it all on him.
But once I changed my reaction, his reaction changed.
All this time I’ve been waiting for him to acknowledge his part.
And all this time, it hasn’t happened.
Until I changed my reaction.
It may seem simple and logical and totally obvious to lots of people.
But it wasn’t to me.
To me, it was a pretty big a-ha moment.
A turning point.
And last night, for the first time in a very, very long time, my husband and I sat in the kitchen and just shot the shit.
For like two hours.
For the first time in months, years even, we are on the same team.
And that feels really good.
Julie says
Good on you. I’m so happy for you both. All the best. 🙂
Stephanie says
That’s so awesome that you were willing to make a change in how you respond. It changed the whole outcome and helped you two enter a different time.
Congrats! This has got to feel amazing!
http://aneducationindomestication.com/reader-question-fighting/
Shaina Braun says
I’m glad you guys were able to work things out yesterday. Me and my husband got into a fight yesterday as well and I ended up spending most of 4th of July alone with our baby. At least we were able to work it out later that day and watch the fireworks together in the evening. Very nice blog! I will definitely stop by again. Please check out my blog as well and leave a comment if you’d like. I followed you on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to stay up to date on your newest posts!
Gabbi says
I am a fairly new follower of your blog & a fairly new blogger in this blogging world. I absolutely love your style & this post about fighting with your husband.. i can relate 1,000%! I initially was blogging about arguing with my fiancé also & he did NOT like the fact that I was putting it all out there in public. We have always been very private, but we too are at our lowest of lows (financially) and I felt better “typing” about it. It was like my way of venting. Long story short, I deleted the 1 post where I talked about our issues. Anyway, now I’m rambling. Just wondering if your husband knows about everything you talk about in your blog & if he’s okay with it?
Britt says
Glad to hear everything is alright. I would get heated with my husband and we would blow up really bad. We would always regret later on. We are both very stubborn. I think I have to learn from you guys.