I coached a swim meet this weekend, all weekend.
I was on deck on Saturday for thirteen and a half hours.
Most of the time it was pouring rain and cold.
I was soaking wet and freezing and ill-prepared for the weather as the forecast was completely wrong and I didn’t bring rain gear or a change of clothes or shoes.
Today I was on deck for twelve hours.
It was a long weekend.
This was the first time since I’ve had kids that I had to work 25 hours in one weekend like that.
And you know what?
Being on deck in the pouring rain and then the hot sun and then the pouring rain again, and on my feet for a total of about 24 hours and not having much of a break during the day and having dozens of swimmers and hundreds of swims to watch and give feedback on was, um…
much easier than being at home with the kids.
I love my kids.
And I love being at home with them.
But after going to work for two full days this weekend, I can now say with 100% confidence that the most difficult and challenging job I have ever had or ever will have is being a full-time stay at home mom.
Hands down.
My experience is consistent with this, and I only have one kid. I actually have a turn wearing each hat throughout your average year because I work full time for 9 months of the year and then am home with our daughter for 3 months. And the time that I’m home with our *one* daughter is way harder than working. It’s so hard, actually, that I’ve decided that next year we’ll probably be paying to send her to day camp, although for at least most of the summer II will probably be at home with nothing beyond my own desires and projects to work on. It’s not that I don’t like being with her (I do, I swear). It’s that she’s super high energy, and I feel like I lose my personhood to un-ending “mommyhood” being with her all day, every day, and frankly, neither of us is super happy with the situation. So, she’ll go somewhere where people will take her swimming, and she can play with other kids, and do crafts, and I’ll pick her up (sometimes possibly even early) in a refreshed state feeling like a whole person, so that we can both enjoy our time together.
Also to be fair, my spouse has been a full time stay-at-home Dad while I work (and has worked during the summer while I’m at home). So, when I’m working I don’t have to then also rush home and worry about getting my daughter fed during the week, I don’t have to worry about getting off while while she’s sick, etc. But, yeah, as a pure work-vs-SAH comparison, SAH is way harder for me.
I do also acknowledge that there are women out there that have kind of the worst of both worlds as far as having to work, but then also having to do a vast amount of childcare with no support. For example, there are women who work alternating shifts with their spouse b/c they can’t afford childcare, so they are working full time and then also caring for their kids during the daytime instead of sleeping, and single parents who have to work and somehow squeeze in all child-related responsibilities. Although, your situation being both a SAHM and WAHM (with 7 kids!) seems pretty darn impossibly hard to me too.
i definitely know how you feel, a day at home is so overwhelming but filled with love, but i must say my kiddos take it out of me!
Ummm….EXACTLY!!! I thought about you several times today (before even seeing post) & wonder how you truly do not lose it !! I love my kids altho this summer so far is driving me to question my sanity @ home with all 5. I’m finding it difficult to balance accomplishing a little housework, refereeing the battles & somehow finding time to enjoy being w/ them. The 2 days I work outside the house sometimes cannot come fast enough
I am a stay at home mom so I know how you feel about being a full time job. When I try to explain it to my husband he does not understand. Once day I will let him take care of the kids for a weekend so he know what I mean.