I have shared pretty much every aspect of my life here on the blog.
I’ve written about my weight loss journey, my struggles with mental illness, problems in my marriage, how I’ve failed and succeeded with my kids…
You name it, I’ve probably talked about it.
And I’ve shared the details of how I’ve gotten from one point to another in each of those areas.
I’ve also been pretty open about our financial struggles.
I’ve shared how we had to file for bankruptcy and how friends and family and the community have provided Christmas presents for my kids for the past two Christmases, and ultimately how we ended up in our current situation, on Medicaid and receiving benefits from SNAP.
I have had many readers ask how we ended up in this situation.
I haven’t answered any of them.
I do realize that once I put all this information out there, I open myself up to these questions.
And while it’s really no one’s business, that’s not really why I haven’t responded.
I really haven’t responded because it’s complicated.
It’s not a one or two-sentence answer.
If you read yesterday’s post, you know that in the last 48 hours, I discovered Mr. Money Mustache.
And I’ve become a little bit obsessed with him.
Okay. Completely obsessed with him.
I have been blaming my financial situation on everyone and everything else.
My therapist would say I’m blaming and shaming.
Mr. Money Mustache would call me a Complainypants.
Anyway, he’s prompted me to take a more honest look at myself.
So like I said before, how we got to this point is complicated.
Or maybe it’s not.
I can narrow it down to the following points:
1) My husband and I were both deeply in debt when we got married, and we had no plan for how we were going to fix that.
2) My husband and I have not ever been on the same page financially. Until possibly now. And we’ve been married for eleven years.
3) Divorces cost a lot of money. And just because they are finalized, it does not mean that your spouse’s ex can’t repeatedly file motions. For anything. We have spent over $100,000 in legal fees in the past ten years.
4) The crash of the housing market turned the sale of the first home we lived in from the potential for a quarter million dollar profit into a loss when we sold it.
5) For the first 5 years of our marriage, I refused to live within our means.
6) Five years ago my husband owned his own business and was making $100+/hour. With the downturn of the economy and other factors including customers who stiffed him out of $50000+, he lost his business and is now making a quarter of what he was making in 2009.
7) In 2008 we flipped a house and lost money on it. So in 2009 we tried again and lost money again. And then for good measure, in 2013, we tried it one more time and failed again. Three strikes and you’re out.
8) Unexpected total knee replacement surgery.
There are other things that happened. But those are the main things.
So we are ultimately in this position because of the decisions we have made as well as things that have happened over the last eleven years that were beyond our control.
We have made a lot of changes in the last three years.
I’ll write a post in the next day or two about all the things we’ve done to cut back on our spending and costs in the past three years.
Because we have made a lot of changes.
In fact, a couple days ago I complainypantsed to a reader about how we had made all the changes we possibly could have.
How we have cut every single possible cost there is to cut.
And then, like I said before, I found Mr. Money Mustache.
And realized I was wrong.
I’ve shared weight loss details and therapy details and how I stopped yelling at my kids details.
Today I am sharing financial details.
Just like when I went through my weight loss journey and I started a series of posts on that, I’m going to start a financial series of posts.
And I’m doing this for two reasons.
One, writing this shit down helps to keep me on track and keep me accountable. And it forces me to be honest with myself.
And two, I know I’m not the only person in this situation. I know because many, many people have contacted me. And I know how badly is sucks. So maybe I can help someone else by sharing.
Okay.
The details:
Here are our monthly expenses:
Note that I did not include sports and preschool in the table.
Right now, the kids are receiving financial assistance for swim team, basketball, and baseball. Preschool is giving us a 50% scholarship and my parents are paying for the other 50%. My parents are also paying for Number 5 to take dance.
My husband and I, right now, are currently bringing in about $4000/month between the two of us. Even with the assistance we are receiving, we are still coming up over $1000 short each month.
So we need to do one of two things.
We need to increase our earnings.
Or decrease our expenses.
I’d like to do both.
But we will start with decreasing our expenses. Because I can do that immediately.
Thankfully, our list is fairly small. We have no credit cards. And we own our cars. That’s good.
Other than our mortgage, our debt is minimal.
Like I said before, I was convinced that we were doing all we could. That we had cut all possible costs.
Then Mr. Freaking Money Mustache set me straight.
I really thought I had become the Queen of frugality, but by putting it down in writing, I was knocked right off my throne. There are some pretty glaring issues that still need to be addressed.
Like our oil bill. It’s out of control.
Part of that can be fixed by just putting more clothes on and keeping the thermostat set at a lower temperature.
That we can do immediately.
Same with the electric bill.
I have to admit I’m not good about turning stuff off.
As I sit here right now at the computer, there is a space heater blowing directly onto my legs.
I also very often fall asleep with the television on, I don’t turn off all the lights when I can and I hardly ever shut my computer down.
Changing some of those habits will make a difference right away.
And then there are fixes that will take a little more work and a little more time.
Our house is full of drafts. Bad ones. We will need to address those. My husband can easily fix them. We just haven’t made them a priority.
Next, our cell phone bill.
Yikes.
Mr Money Mustache recommends Republic Wireless. Our phone bill would be less than $100 a month if we switched.
That’s a quarter of what we need to get rid of right there!
I’m going to check that out.
So here are my goals for the next month:
1) Change cell phone carriers and get our bill under $100/month.
2) Keep the thermostat set no higher than 64º during the day and 60º at night, and reduce the oil bill to >$500/month. (The weather getting warmer will help this one).
3) Get the electric bill at least to under $300.
If I can do that, I will have cut $850 off of our monthly bills.
I’ve changed my eating habits and I’ve managed to lose the extra weight.
Now, it’s time to change those spending habits and lose the extra expenses.
Who wants to join me?
Thank you so much for sharing your life with all of us. I love your blog. You are an inspiration to many. And I truly appreciate you opening up about your financial situation because I am in a similar situation of telling myself that I am doing everything I can…. When in reality I’m not! So thank you again for making me reflect on myself and inspiring me to make changes.
Thank you Stacy!
We got rid of our home phone treats ago & only use cell. Our phone company changed the home line to what is referred to as a “dry loop” for internet only connection which is about $40/month & saved $40 dropping home phone 🙂
*got rid of home phone years ago…
Where do you live that your house hold can make enough money to cover that budget and still receive SNAP? That’s crazy. You’d have to have an 11 person household for that to hold up in S.C.
Welcome to CT. The cost of living here is out of control. One of the most expensive states to live in.
Just wondering how many kidsyou have.
We’ve got 7 kids.
Right?! CT is expensive. This is wonderful. So glad you shared and I look forward to hearing all of the solutions. Have you tried Mitchell Oil in Danbury? We have a budget plan that allows us to pay $300/mo year round vs thousands in winter. Also, CT offers a low cost ($75-100 one time fee) energy audit where they will fill all drafts and replace all bulbs with energy efficient ones – can help on both electric and heat. http://www.ct.gov/opm/lib/opm/pdpd_energy/consumer_faq_home_energy_audit_program.pdf. Both of these have helped us quite a bit.
The problem with Mitchell Oil is that our credit is so bad we can’t get accepted into any kind of program like that right now. But I will look into it!
We have a 9 person household in CT. And we don’t make enough money to cover that budget which was the whole point of the post!
You are awesome, You are so freaking brave. You inspire me. Please don’t ever stop.
Keep it up, Susie & your next profession may be “Mrs. Money Momma” !!!! Thanks for keeping it real for us real folks!
I really value the honesty and humility it takes for you to put everything ‘out there’. We also feel that we have cut everything we can, and it’s never enough.
I use a phone carrier called Ting, which I think is somewhat similar to Republic. You may want to check them out, especially if you don’t make a lot of calls or use internet primarily at home
MMM talks about TING, too. I think Republic is the best fit for us though.
If you have any questions please contact me! This program is fantastic!
http://www.lifeleadership.com/61399801/Products/FinancialFitnessPack.aspx
Thank you for sharing. Love your blog. We are getting ready to cut cable and hm phone. We use Straight Talk thru Walmart for our cells. $45 each unlimited a month. Never had any problems. My very PT job is going to cover my twin boys going tp prek in the Fall. Its hard
sounds to me like you’re in this position because “life” happened … and you are SO not the only one it’s happened to. Don’t ever let anybody tell you any different. You’re posts are inspiration because they remind me that I’m not alone! you hang in there and stay you! 🙂
Thank you!
Thank you for sharing – for being so honest – and for directing me to Mr. Money Mustache! Your story could almost be my story (except we never flipped houses – and I’m Canadian!)
Just thank you!
Oh, thank YOU Carrie. MMM is great!
Whoa! Your heating bill is very high. We live with the wood pellet fireplace. It is the best investment we have ever made for living inside a very old house. Yes, it does cost us close to $5K to buy wood pellet fireplace, and average $500 for 2 tons of wood pellets per winter…BUT…our heating bill per month is close to under $40 (with taxes and service fees).
Someday, your state will receive Vivint Solar company. If so, I’d suggest you check that out. It is the amazing company. Free installation, 100% damage/roof repair warranty (totally free), monthly bill up to $120 (winter time up to $50) a month, and electric bill up to $7 a month during summer and up to $16 during winter. Some of the summer months we made back some money.
Keep on posting! I love learning blunt lessons from you. I am in a financial rut and that is why I found Mr. Money Mustache and Dave Ramsey. That’s why we kicked landline phone bills out the door, changed the way we spend, and been attacking the debt. It’s biting us but we are working hard. We hope to go debt free in two years (it’s a very tall aggressive order) but we will win. I’m not sure if I wanted to post my debt amount on this blog. If I do, I might give several readers heart attack! :/
Cannot wait to see your new postings!
We installed a wood stove for about $5000 that is almost going to pay for itself this year. (My husband did it himself) We have oil as a backup, but have only spent a few hundred dollars this entire cold winter on oil. About $160 in wood/month has kept us warm enough. That and extra sweatshirts. Maybe you need to look at changing the way you heat your house, if that’s possible.
Also, if electricity is deregulated in CT you might be able to save some money by switching. That’s something I’ve been meaning to look into as well, as our electricity bill is over $200.
Living In CT is exceedingly difficult. We too bought a house with the intention to flip, ended up completely upside and had to file bankruptcy. We moved to PA and live on half of what we did in CT but things have been much less stressful. However it is still a struggle to keep finances under control. Thank you for sharing your story. and I will be checking out Mr. Money Moustache.
Definitely check him out. Good stuff. And thank you.
I think you are right on track with trying to get your oil and electric costs down. We keep our MA old, drafty home at 58 at night and 61 during the day and oil is about $500/month this season. We bundle up with fleece robes/jackets, shearling slippers, and hot water bottles (even just an empty soda bottle filled with hot tap water works well!!). I think you could probably get your electric down to even less than $300. We’re a family of 8 and our electric doesn’t go above $150 at peak times; get those lights turned off!!
I’m curious about your food budget. How on earth do you manage $300/month with 9 mouths to feed? We spend that much (and more) per week. I’d love some tips on how you keep your food budget so low. BTW, we eat no meat, so that is not an expense we can cut out of our budget.
We’ve been through 4 job losses of a period of 6 years, the first happening just 3 months after we purchased our home and had to take money from savings/retirement funds to put towards the down payment and necessary repairs. We’ve been through an awful time financially, but we are seeing an end. Wishing you success as you journey to a better financial situation for your family.
Oh we don’t spend $300/month on food total.. that’s what we spend after SNAP — we average around $350/week, but I’m trying to work on that, too.
Have you tried Price Rite (Danbury) vs Shop Rite? It’s owned by ShopRite. For staple items like cereal, bread, canned goods most things are .50-$1 less per item. Most produce is .99/Lb. You do have to bag your own but worth it.
Just thought of this too. Danbury farmers market will double your SNAP so you can buy twice as many fruits and veggies. If you swipe your card for $10 (no limit) you’d have $20 to buy produce. They will also double WIC vouchers up to $9 per market. There will be 19 markets this year runs June-October :). There are FMs all across the country doing this! 🙂
thank you for sharing, finances are a brave topic to endeavor!
I cannot believe heat is that much!!!! That would seriously cause us issues too!
I’m sure you’ll meet your goals for lowering your monthly expenses, good luck!!
I love your honesty, humility and bravery in being so open. My husband and I just finished Dave Ramsey’s fpu and I feel like I learned so much. I feel like we could all learn so much from each other if we were brave enough to share everything and were willing to change the way we spend. I look forward to seeing how you accomplish your goals and know I’ll learn something in the process. 🙂
*for what it’s worth, my husband and I switched to metro pcs for our cell phones and pay $70 a month. Probably similar to the one you’re looking at.
Susie, I live in your town and I can vouch for Republic Wireless. It works great and service costs $12 per month per phone- including all taxes and fees.
I don’t recommend ditching your landline with all those kids at home. Look into the Lifeline program. Frontier can give you an application. If you qualify, you can get your phone service for $7 per month. If you are on SNAP, that may make you eligible.
I have a wood stove. The heat is great and it is somewhat money saving. The downside is that it is a ton of work and my family members with allergies hate it. The wood burning also makes a mess in the house. I suggest that you contact CACD (community Action Committee of Danbury) to request heating assistance.
CACD might also be able to help with your electric bills.
Another thought: You may want to look into Hoopla digital streaming media (music, TV, movies, audiobooks) at the library. It’s free. All you need is a library card. You can access it from home. And there are never overdue fines!
This was an enlightening post for me, because I feel as though our $$ just disappears as soon as we make it. We only have 1 baby, we aren’t in debt, we both have full-time jobs, and yet we still struggle at times to pay the mortgage. Things are just so expensive! Thanks for sharing your story. I love the idea of creating a chart of expenses. I am going to do the same 🙂
We are feeding a family of 10 now that my step-daughter lives with us. Buying in bulk and meal planning has done wonders for decreasing our grocery bill. I could feed all of us on just what you’re getting with SNAP. Although, I’m aware that it doesn’t cover cleaning supplies and other household items. Honestly, I’m amazed you’re getting so much from them. We had to take SNAP for a bit after I lost my job while pregnant with our last baby. People are shocked when I tell them how little we got. I thought it would help so much more than it did. Not that I wasn’t grateful for every single dollar.
Here’s to spending less and making more this year!