The terrible twos. They actually start in the ones. And last til the threes.

Yesterday someone messaged me asking for parenting advice.

Yeah.

Like Dear Abby.

I was rather flattered.

And then I started panicking.

What if I say something, this person takes my advice, and then the problem gets worse?

Not Your Average Mom doesn’t know what she’s talking about!

So I’ll share what I do.

With the disclaimer that I am not a licensed anything.

Now, this is a young mom.

Like in her 20’s.

Possibly even in her early twenties.

When I was in my early twenties I was childless.

Everything was all about me.

I was drinking, smoking, and partying.

I sure as hell wasn’t in any shape to be raising a child.

So, before I even say anything…

To this exasperated young mom,

HATS OFF TO YOU.

Okay.

So the issue at hand…

Screaming.

And temper tantrums.

An 18-month-old who is in the throes of I-want-what-I-want-and-I-want-it-NOW.

And this poor mom had a good, old fashioned, I-can’t-take-this-anymore sobfest yesterday.

Let me start by saying,

on Tuesday I picked up Number 5 from dance class.

There was another mom there picking up her daughter who also has an 18-month-old daughter.

This mom is a nurse.

So she’s a nurturing, caring person.

And she said to me, “I almost put my daughter out on the side of the road with a   FREE  sign around her neck today.”

So, please know,

You are not alone.

Now…

I have some good news.

And some bad news.

First, the bad news.

You cannot avoid the temper tantrum stage.

And, in my experience, there is no quick shut-off button for the temper tantrum.

But there are reactions that we have as parents that can either encourage these fits, or discourage them.

You can either limit this phase, or extend it.

Most 18-month-olds don’t have the brain power to understand logic and reasoning.

They just want what they want.

And they will scream until one of two things happens.

Either

1) you cave

or

2) you don’t.

So this is a process.

I don’t know how long your child screams for.

Mine have some endurance.

They’ve been know to cry for a good half hour.

It can be very hard not to cave.

Trust me, I know.

But caving only reinforces the behavior.

So you have to build up a tolerance.

There is at least one kid crying in this house, on average, 10 out of 12 waking hours of every day.

Sometimes more than one.

It used to bother me.

Drive me crazy.

But now I’m pretty much immune.

I’m like one of those supergerms that’s mutated and can’t be wiped out by antibiotics.

I totally get it.

18 months is a tough stage.

Everything is a choking hazard.

Your child is like some sort of drug-sniffing dog who can locate any and all sharp and dangerous objects.

Your phone is like baby crack.

There is no negotiating.

And the reaction to taking these things away from your child is akin to having a limb removed.

Number 7 is 18 months old.

She can throw some doozies.

I do my best to just ignore her.

She may walk around screaming for a good 5, 10 or 20 minutes.

But eventually she either runs out of gas or gets distracted by something else.

I just let her ride it out.

If I have to, I repeat this, or anything else that keeps me from losing it:

Number 6 started the fits around the same age.

He would lay down on the floor and spin himself around on his back.

Violently.

My father called it breakdancing, which is exactly what it looked like.

He had some impressive moves.

He’s passed the breakdancing stage now, but he’s definietly still in the tantrum stage.

Now he runs screaming out of the room, finds his blankie, and sits by himself until he’s recovered.

But it took a good 8 months to get to this point.

His fits are just a blip on the radar in comparison to the Queen of Fits,

Number 5.

She will throw a Guinness Book of World Records-worthy tantrum for any number of reasons.

Because her ponytail is too high.

Because her leggings won’t stay down.

Because I put the hot dog in the wrong spot on the plate (that one just happened last night).

She’s got some stamina.

Like an ultra marathoner.

But, at almost 4, she at least has the intellectual capacity to understand the consequences of her outbursts.

So as soon as she starts, I tell her to go to her room until she is done crying.

Sometimes she stops right away.

Other times she stomps up the stairs screaming.

She’ll throw in a “You’re a stupid mommy!” or two for good measure.

And then, once she runs out of gas, she’ll quietly walk out of her room and I’ll hear,

“Mommy?

I stopped crying…

Can I come down now?”

So yeah.

My advice is to find a way to ignore it.

And be consistent.

Probably not what you wanted to hear.

Now the good news.

All kids do this.

Not just yours.

All moms lose it.

All moms break down sobbing,

and,

at one point or another,

want to give away their children.

Not just you.

And this is a just a phase.

Kind of a long one,

but still,

it’s just a phase.

It will end.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Today it may feel like that tunnel is about 400 miles long.

But before you know it, you’ll be at the end of that sucker, watching your 5-year-old walk up the steps of the school bus, wondering where the time went.

And then you might just find yourself missing this tantrum phase.

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