Dear Exasperated Mom,
I know how you feel.
You are tired.
Tired of the monotony.
Tired of your own version of Groundhog Day.
Tired of the seat belts and the sippy cups and the diapers and the marker on the wall and the tantrums and the Caillou and the food on the floor, and now that we are moving into winter, the hats and the boots and the mittens and the gloves.
Oh. The fucking gloves.
You are tired of having your patience tested.
Of having to think about every single word that comes out of your mouth.
You are tired of the lack of privacy.
Or total absence of it.
And while you love your kids to the moon and back, you feel guilty.
Because although you wouldn’t trade your children or motherhood for anything in the world, sometimes there are days where you would just like to walk out the front door and keep going.
Find someplace peaceful.
Someplace where you can have some interaction with a human being who relates to you rather than one who depends on you.
Because you are lonely, too.
You were prepared for the exhaustion, but you never really anticipated the loneliness.
And there are times where you don’t know if you are going to make it.
Times you want to throw in the towel.
Times you feel like a failure for yelling or crying or just wanting to give up and escape.
You’re not a failure.
You’re human.
Being a mom is fucking hard.
But you will make it.
One day that moment you’ve been fantasizing about will arrive.
Without warning.
I had one of those moments yesterday.
I have been rocking Number 7 to sleep at nap time since she was born.
She doesn’t really need me to do it.
But she likes it.
And so do I.
In fact, I probably like it more than her.
Because she’s the baby.
She’s the last one I will rock in that chair.
And yesterday at nap time as I sat down and waited for her to climb onto my lap, she looked at me and said,
“I don’t want to rock in the rocking chair.”
And she climbed into her bed.
Just like that.
No warning.
She was done.
And all those fantasies I’d had in my head of uninterrupted showers and clean kitchen floors and a house that stayed neat for more than twelve minutes, well, they weren’t so appealing anymore.
All of a sudden the only things I could think about were blankies and feet pajamas and sucking thumbs and strollers and coveralls that look like little teddy bears.
There is an end.
You will find yourself on the other side.
And it may be sooner than you think.
So whatever stage you are in right now, choose a moment.
A moment that you love.
Whether it’s rocking in the chair, or breastfeeding, or reading a story, or watching a movie.
Whether it’s sledding or snuggling or whatever it is, be mindful of that moment.
And burn it into your brain. Because these moments are finite.
I know it seems like those unbearable moments of motherhood have no end in sight.
But they do.
And unfortunately, when they disappear, some of the bearable moments that you really, really love go right along with them.
Well, you’ve done it again, Susie. Hit me with an eye opener just when I needed it! Thank you for the reminders (all if them). Seems like with holidays approaching & kids out of school, reminders like these are needed more often since my patience has worn thin. I appreciate you more than you know!
Now I just need to make this post my daily mantra
Thank you. I really needed to be reminded to see those beautiful moments through the snot filled cacophony. Thank you.
Very eye-opening!! One of my favorites you’ve written, Susie!!
I agree! One of my favorites too.
Just when I needed it. Thank you. I have written before about feeling like a failure as a day at home mom in my own blog but it is sometimes hard to remember even my own words and it is nice to read someone else’s story. It helps me remember I am not alone. Great article written at such a perfect time of the year when all of us are going crazy.
Alison
Theguiltymommy.com
That was very touching, Susie. Just beautiful.
Every mother needs to have this where she can see it every day.
Love this!! Thank you!
This post made me cry. My 20 month old is sick as a dog and was up all night and I am 22 weeks pregnant and just want a night of uninterrupted sleep. That little voice calling for Mommy through the monitor won’t be here forever. I love all of our tender moments together and am cherishing this ‘alone’ time with my son before the new baby arrives. Any of it ending makes me cry! (I am sure the pregnancy hormones aren’t helping -lol)
Have a wonderful Happy Thanksgiving!
Just read your note and had huge tears in my eyes….
I love my little so much and sometimes I get frustrated from tiredness and my husband get it all from me… I feel a failure… Its so supporting to see that Im not the only one to have this feelings…
My husband and I just finalized the divorce and received the judge decided parenting plan today. I feel like I have failed my daughter. I tried to remember all the reasons my daughter spending more time than the current 10/4 with her father (violent, ignores her, keeps her out of school, etc.) was not in her best interest, but the judge gave him more time anyway. This little girl is my priority and I already miss her when she’s gone.
I feel like you mothers who complain about never having any free time away from your kids (while they are young) are lucky! I would gladly give up every second of my “free time” (while she visits her dad). Sometimes she gets sick and cranky, sometimes she splashes water all over the bathroom, sometimes she gets paint in my hair, but I try my best to not get mad at her. I love my daughter, and would give everything I have to be “stuck” with her every day.
I have been searching for the perfect mom blog to follow and relate to. This note sold me on your blog, being 37 weeks pregnant with a boy on the way and a already too mature for her own good two year old daughter I never feel like I take time any more to catch the precious moments that will eventually fade. With life going at such a fast pace all the time, this made me stop and think soon my daughter will not be my only little one to share precious moments with, there will be another little one here as well, and though times get frustrating with her between her toddler tantrums, refusing to eat habits and crappy sleeping habits this really made me stop and think eventually this will all fade and one day I will wish I had it all back. This made me really think that though I am exasperated and exhausted I need to look past that and realize the exasperation will not live on forever and when it does go away I will probably miss it.
Thank you.
This is an old post but dang if it isn’t exactly what I needed to hear. I just feel exasperated with my 3.5 year old and 6 month old (it’s Christmas and it was beyond stressful and not at all fun even for my kids!) So I am feeling crazily disappointed and way over tired. I didn’t realize it was loneliness I was feeling the most! How do we hold onto these little moments and appreciate them and also find a way to not feel so trapped and lonely? I try to explain this to my husband but we are both so busy with one high needs kid or the other we don’t even have time for a conversation. Sometimes I just want my old life with my husband back. That makes me feel so guilty and ashamed but as I sit here crying it’s true. Anyway, this is such an old post no one will probably see this but I guess I just needed to vent. Thank you! And thank you for the reminder. ❤️
I saw this! You are in a challenging phase right now. It will change. It will get a little more manageable as the kids get older. And husbands sometimes don’t get it when they aren’t the ones in the trenches. You have nothing to feel guilty about. We have all felt what you are feeling. Hang in there. It will get better!