Help. It’s not a four letter word.

I want to be able to do it all.

By myself.

I want to work out 3 hours a day.

And win this whole fucking Lose to Win thing.

I want to stay on top of the laundry.

And reply to all my emails in a timely manner.

Or respond to all my emails at all.

I want to get out of this dinner rut that I’m in and make a meal for my family that Ina would be happy to eat.

Multiple times a week.

I want to do annoyingly cute crafts with my kids.

And teach them how to cook.

I want to have a clean bathroom.

And stay awake at night so I can spend some time with my husband.

But I can’t.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

But I think it may take an entire state or possibly even a small country to run this house.

I need help.

I don’t know if you remember Miss P…

She’s Number 4’s bus driver — you know, the coolest bus driver ever?

Well a couple weeks ago when she pulled up to pick up Number 4, we had this conversation:

Miss P:  You know that show John and Kate Plus 8?

Me: Yeah?

I said that hesitantly. I wasn’t sure where she was going with this…

Miss P: Do you know how they had that lady that came over and helped with the laundry once a week?

Me:  Yeah…

Miss P: Well I want to be that person for you.

Me: Are you serious???

Miss P:  I’m totally serious. I’ve been thinking about talking to you about it for weeks. But I didn’t want to offend you.

The cars were starting to really line up behind the bus. But I did not give a flying f-u-c-k…

Someone was offering to help me with my laundry…

Me: Offend me? It would take a little more than that to offend me…

So she smiled, closed the door, and off she drove.

I walked down the walkway back to the house on cloud nine.

I couldn’t believe it.

Someone was going to help me with the omnipresent mountain of clothing in what was once my dining room.

I felt like I just won the lottery.

Until I walked in the front door.

Yikes.

If Miss P is going to help with the laundry, then she is going to see the rest of the house.

It’s not hoarders bad, but…

It’s pretty bad.

And when I say it’s pretty bad, I’m not one of those annoying women who says my house is a mess when there is like one dirty sock on the floor.

It’s really a mess.

And it’s not very clean.

So what the hell is Miss P going to think of me then?

I used to have a cleaning lady.

About 3 years and 3 kids ago.

We don’t have the money for one now.

But the stress of cleaning up so the cleaning lady could come clean was off the charts.

It almost made it not worth it.

And I don’t have the energy or the time to do a full-on Holy-shit-we-can’t-let-Miss-P-see-what-the-house-really-looks-like-everybody-start-cleaning-like-a-psychopath kind of a thing on a weekly basis.

And then, in addition to the cleaning panic attack that I had, I thought of one other thing.

If Miss P comes and folds my laundry, then she’s gonna see…

…my period underpants.

I broke into a sweat thinking about that.

So I just let it sit.

I went back and forth.

Should I message her?

Or not?

Then, two days ago when things were seeming especially overwhelming, I put this as my status on the facebook page:

I need an intern.

And Miss P left this comment:

WOMAN pm me! I will help you!

Well you know what?

I think I’m desperate enough that I don’t even give a shit if  Miss P sees the period underwear.

It’s that bad.

And you know what else?

It’s okay for me to admit I need help.

And when someone offers it, it’s okay to take it.

I mean, for God’s sake…

If  Number 6 were in school right now, he would have his own full-time aide.

You don’t see teachers saying:

“You want to give me a full-time aide for that child? ”

or

“You’ll put another adult in here to help out? No thanks. I think I’ll do it all myself.”

Nope.

I don’t need to kill myself trying to do it all alone.

I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone else.

And along with teaching my kids to push themselves, work hard and rise to meet a challenge, I also want to teach them that it’s okay to ask for help when they need it.

Or to offer help when it’s needed.

So right now I’m gonna take that help.

And a couple months or a year from now, I’ll return the favor to someone else who needs it.