Take that, Common Core.

I had a therapy appointment today, and my mom babysat while I was gone.

When I got home, she was sitting on the couch working on a math menu problem with Number 4.

My mom took one look at me and said,

“Kill me now.”

Number 4 was running out of patience.

“MOM!!! IT SAYS I HAVE TO CHANGE MY NAME AND WRITE A LETTER AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND AND NEITHER DOES GRAMMY!!!”

I looked at the problem:

You have got to be kidding me.

I told Number 4 I would help her out.

But I didn’t really have the patience to try to explain this to her or to do it with her.

So I just wrote the fucking letter myself.

Here is what it said:

Dear Subtraction,

We have been friends for a long time.

I just want you to know how much I appreciate your friendship.

And how much I admire your strength.

Being positive comes so easily for me.

Living in my shadow, knowing that I will always make friends with other kids way before you will probably sucks.

No wonder you are always negative.

I can’t imagine how hard it must be, constantly being referred to as less than, and everyone always pointing out your differences.

That can’t do much for your self-esteem.

Having things taken away, over and over and over again must be incredibly demoralizing.

So I want you to know that I love you.

Very much.

We will always be part of the same family.

But you don’t need me to survive.

This codependent relationship the teacher is trying to force us to admit to is unhealthy.

You and your three numbers, like me, are a complete equation in and of yourself.

And no one will ever be able to take that away from you.

Love,

Your BFF, Addition

 

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