I was talking with a couple friends yesterday about marriage vows.
About how,
when you are young,
and in love,
and childless,
when those things you find so endearing about your husband or wife haven’t yet turned into those things you find so annoying about your husband and wife,
how maybe it’s easier.
The for better part outweighs the for worse part.
Then the honeymoon phase wears off.
But you did agree to stick with this person during the for worse part…
When you are a kid in elementary school and you are learning how to write a narrative or expository or persuasive writing piece, you often get the same comment from your teachers.
Be specific!
Please add more detail!
This should be required for marriage vows.
And you should have a couple who has remained married for 50 years,
as well as two people who couldn’t make it to fifteen years help you write them.
The for better part doesn’t really need much detail.
When you have a great house, and plenty of money, and your kids are all doing well in school and have turned out to be responsible human beings, and it’s summer and beautiful outside and the flowers are blooming and the birds are singing,
you feel pretty content right where you are.
But that for worse part?
That for worse part needs some detail.
Because you have no idea what for worse really entails.
That for worse section of the marriage vows should be a bulleted, multi- item list, where both parties agree to all items on it.
Do you, Jane and John, take each other…in the holy estate of matrimony?
Will you love,
comfort,
honor,
for richer, for poorer,
for better,
for …
… the 12,000th piece of laundry you pick up off the bedroom floor?
…day 264 of a major home renovation?
… the 400th day in a row that you get home from work, and just want to sit down and have some peace and quiet? But she wants to talk about the unbelievable thing her friend Marge said? Again?
…the 397th time he can’t find the ketchup in the refrigerator?
…the 312th time one of the kids is crying at 100,000 decibels through the baby monitor at 2:00 in the morning, and you roll over, and he is totally sleeping?
…the day you reach that point in the relationship when there is no way in hell you would even consider having morning breath sex with each other?
…when you find out that the other one has friended an ex from high school on Facebook?
…the 300oth time that you are sure one of the kids is up to no good, but your spouse is convinced that your kid would never do that?
…the twelfth time you are on a vacation at the beach when you hate the beach and all you really want to do is just go skiing?
…the 137th time you clean the bathroom sink and 14 seconds later it’s covered in stubble from someone’s razor?
…the 93rd time that you know he is being too hard on the kids, but he knows you are being too easy on them?
…the 35th time he says to you, “that’s not the way my mom used to do it.” ?
or the 750th time you find this?:
If you can agree to abide by all of these items, then you may proceed to the next section,
in sickness and in health.
That one is a whole different list altogether.
Especially when your husband has a cold…
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Deanna says
Funny story about the “that’s not how my mom used to do it” When my parents were first married my mom had cooked dinner (my mother was an excellent cook). It was something that my grandmother apparently made differently than my mother. My father said “this isnt how my mother makes it” (and from what my mother said, made a face indicating that he didnt care for my mothers version) My mother didn’t say a word. She simply stood up, took his plate, dumped it into the trash can and set his empty plate back down in front of him and she continued eating her dinner. He NEVER criticised her cooking again.
Maureen says
Deanna, that is the BEST story! Good for your mom…
Maureen says
It’s so funny that you mention this today. On my way to the grocery store this morning (even though I’m sick but because my husband had pretty major oral surgery yesterday afternoon, I needed to get him soup), I was thinking about how what we thought was cute once just isn’t anymore. Yeah, they probably should warn you about that. Just like I think children should come with owner’s manuals.
Janell says
Wow! I needed to read that this morning. As a newlywed I just had the first “I just got home from work and want to relax” speech/fight with my husband. And he also has a cold, second cold THIS YEAR! He also can never ever find anything even thought it is right in front of his face.
When his parents were first married she made an Italian dinner for his dad (who is Italian) and he said “that’s not the way my mom makes it” and she took the whole dinner and threw it away. He never made that mistake again. So I think my husband already knows to never say that to me.
My parents have been married for 50 years this May and his parents have been married for over 43 years. I pray that we follow in their footsteps.
Jessica says
Completely true and accurate! I have been going through that list myself lately!