I made it for a whole 24 hours without yelling.
Nine months.
318 days.
And then this past Sunday I fell off the wagon.
I didn’t go on a yelling binge.
It’s not like I was sober for almost a year and then took one drink which led to me stealing Mike Tyson’s lion, marrying a hooker and waking up toothless in a hotel room on the other side of the country, after a 24-hour black out bender.
It wasn’t the spit-flying, vein-bulging tirade where you don’t even remember what you said kind of yell.
But I did yell.
At Number 3.
I was going to go into all the details.
But they don’t really matter.
I for sure had reason to be pretty pissed.
When you suffer from any kind of addiction and are trying to maintain your sobriety, you are told to really pay attention to the times when you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
These four physical or emotional conditions, if not taken care of, can leave you pretty vulnerable for a relapse.
I don’t think it’s any different for depression, anxiety… anything you are struggling with, really.
And this weekend was just the perfect storm for a couple of those factors.
So I just wanted to share that.
I fell off the wagon.
We all mess up.
I’m a little bummed that I slipped. But I’m not beating myself up.
And I’m happy to see that my definition of yelling now and my definition of yelling a year ago are much different.
What I consider yelling now would have only been like a 1.8 on the yelling Richter scale last summer.
And now I’m back on the wagon. 4 yell-free days under my belt.
One slip up in 322 isn’t so bad.
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
Glad that you are giving yourself a break about this- and not taking “falling off the wagon” too seriously. After all, it’s not like now that you yelled once, you remember how good it feels, and now want to go on a yelling bender. Or, if you do, just go to a sporting event and have at it.
Knowing that you have been able to go for so long without yelling at your kids gives me hope! I tell myself weekly if not daily to try not to yell at my two boys ages 4 and 6. At times during certain moments I feel that they don’t hear me or pay attention unless I raise my voice…. Then after I feel shitty. Many nights of hard days with yelling included where I go into their room after they are asleep and kiss them and look at their little faces and think…I could have done better….I could have been better. I hope I can at some point say it has been 100 plus days and I am still yell free.
im going to try this. I find my self yelling at my kiddos and i end up hating myself for doing it. So im going to take you as inspiration and see if i can make it through a day. This is such a good idea for the overwhelmed mom to find good healthy ways to respond to their kiddos
you need to come up with some strategies for yourself….like counting to ten when you want to yell (or 20…or however long it takes you to calm yourself)….yoga breathing with your eyes closed while you count….give yourself a time out if you need to….
Meh….we all mess up. (and considering it wasn’t your vein popping scream fest……I dont think that you really fell off off the wagon…more like opened the door and leaned out)
I want to stop screaming too! Reading this gives me hope that it can be done. So instead of screaming what do you do? Talk to them? Punish them? Have a drink? What’s the trick. I need some help with this one.