24 Hours With No Technology

Yesterday I put a ban on all technology for the kids until further notice.

There was just a whole lot of stuff going on that I didn’t like.

During the school year, they cannot use technology on school nights (unless it’s required for school), but I really eased up on the restrictions in the last three weeks since school let out.

And it didn’t take long for the kids to have more and more difficulty cooperating and communicating not only with each other, but also with me.

I suppose this is purely anecdotal, but I am positive there is a direct correlation between their horrible attitudes and behavior and too much screen time.

Since they are used to no technology during the school year Monday through Friday morning, they handled the news fairly well.

They were bummed — some of them more than others — but they didn’t really put up a fight.

It was like the knew they needed some limits.

Or some time off.

And you know what happened this morning on our first completely technology-free day of the summer?

The younger kids slept much later than they normally do.

With no Kindle or iPad or XBox or TV to start using immediately upon waking up, they had to resort to each other.

There was no arguing. There were no meltdowns because a Kindle was at, like, ZERO PERCENT!!!

I was able to still do a few things in my office after the kids were awake, and when I walked into the playroom, I saw this:

They were playing Sorry.

On teams.

AND THEY WERE LAUGHING.

It was kind of amazing.

Technology separates the kids.  It puts them each in a bubble.

It’s scary how quickly they fall out of practice with simply interacting with each other.

And then at the times when they are playing with each other, they are almost constantly fighting.

It’s like they’ve completely forgotten how to play together.

Their cooperation muscles get flabby. They get out of shape.

There were still arguments today. There was one major meltdown when Number 3 decided to put Number 5’s very much too small bathing suit on his 13-year-old body and she screamed for about 10 minutes at the top of her lungs about penis germs and needing a new bathing suit because that one would now need to be thrown in the garbage.

It’s okay, though. Perfection is not the expectation. Meltdowns and arguments are to be expected.

But the inability to get along for more than two minutes is not acceptable. Or healthy.

So today was a good day. A much better day in the cooperation department.

Last night on our way home from practice (it’s about a 45 minute drive), we talked about what we should do to help everyone contribute consistently around the house.

The kids asked me if I could make a chart and assign jobs.

Ideally I’d like to let them choose the jobs they do, but we also talked about how we don’t think it’s fair for someone to get the same job day after day.

And I thought about the kids’ teachers and how they are assigned certain duties sometimes and they don’t have a say in it. Like recess duty or lunch duty.

So we talked about how that happens sometimes when you are a grown up and have a job working for someone else. Your boss assigns certain tasks to you and you just have to do them. You can refuse, but then there’s a good chance you’ll get fired.

So for the first go around, we decided that I’d just assign jobs.

The kids do already have jobs. But I’m constantly having to pester them to do them since school has finished, and that seriously pisses me off. Plus I just haven’t had the energy to pester them, and now the house has fallen into disarray, and that’s one of the things that pushed me over the edge yesterday.

So I asked them if they wanted me to make a box for them to check off when they had finished their job for the day, and they all yelled, “YES!”

They were asking for help staying on top of what needed to be done.

They wanted some structure.

Here is the chart I came up with:

We call our jobs contributions, and not chores. Chores just has a negative connotation to it right from the start. I want to avoid that.

Plus if you live in a house — or at least my house — you must contribute.

Since I made the chart this morning– Friday — we gave it a try today and we will continue to use it this weekend, see how it goes, see where we need to make adjustments, and then revise as necessary next Monday.

I have rotated the kids through the items on the list so everyone gets to do everything. That way nobody gets the “good” jobs or the “easy” jobs.

I know there a lot on the chart. But it’s 20 jobs.

Twenty divided by five is four.

Four contributions a day is not a whole lot to ask.

This afternoon as we were driving to swim practice, I asked the kids how they felt about their contributions.

“Mom, I feel pretty proud of myself,” one of the kids said to me.

“It feels good to know that you are contributing to the family, doesn’t it?” I said.

Most of them nodded their heads in agreement enthusiastically. One of them may have rolled his eyes.

But the overall feeling is that if feels good to do something. It feels good to accomplish something. It feels good to check things off a list!

Then I asked the really big question:

“How long do you think we should keep the technology ban in effect for?”

“The rest of the summer,” said Number 3. He wasn’t being sarcastic.

“Two weeks!”said Number 6. He is the biggest iPad addict of all of them, so even if he didn’t mean it, I was surprised by his answer.

“The rest of the summer!” said Number 5.

“Two weeks!” said Number 7.

“WHAT???” yelled Number 4, incredulously. She is already going through a bit of Netflix withdrawal. But she’ll come around.

Will they still feel this way in a couple more days?

I don’t know.

What I do know is that today was approximately 5,000,000% better than yesterday.

And their answers to my question reminded me of something I already knew but had forgotten.

Or ignored.

Kids want limits.

THEY WANT LIMITS.

And my plan is to present the no-technology as more of a challenge to them now.

I want to see how long we can go.

I really want to see what happens if we can stay (relatively) unplugged.

In an effort to show them I’m also committed to this, I told them I’m stopping taking the iPad into bed with me at night.

That’s my usual routine. I get the kids into bed, and then I get into bed with the iPad and watch the current Netflix binge until I fall asleep.

I’ve really been wanting to get back to reading when I got to bed and getting the technology completely out of the bedroom.

Last night, for the first time in a LONG time, I read a book in bed.

It’s kind of douchey to impose a ban on the kids and not do it with them.

If one of the kids was an alcoholic, I’d give up booze for them.

None of the kids are alcoholics and I already gave up booze, but you know what I mean.

A technology ban is just what I need, too.

The kids aren’t the only ones who will benefit from technology limits.

This may be the best thing I do all summer.

Not only for the kids, but for myself too.