I don’t know about you, but my nine-year-old is semi obsessed with Roblox and Bloxburg and more specifically, Robux.
If you have either 1) missed this (annoying) stage or 2) aren’t there yet, consider yourself lucky.
I do have to be honest, though.
Roblox is nowhere near as bad as the slime phase.
THANK GOD THAT SHIT IS OVER.
Or Fucking Rainbow Loom. (I was pretty fired up the day I wrote that post 🤣).
Or those stupid perler beads.
You know, I got rid of those damn perler beads three or four years ago and when I cleaned out the playroom a couple months ago, I found like five of them embedded into the rug pad under the rug up there.
Those things are as bad as the FRL rubber bands.
Worse, maybe, cause when you step on them they hurt.
Okay, so Roblox isn’t nearly as bad as FRL or slime or perler beads.
Because at least when your kid is playing it, he’s not bothering you or freaking out.
BUT, there is one super fucking annoying thing about Roblox.
And that is Robux.
So Roblox is a video game where you can, um…
To tell you the truth, I don’t really know exactly what the hell goes on in Roblox.
But in Bloxburg, which is like a spinoff of Roblox, you can build stuff.
Like you can build houses and restaurants and lots of fairly cool things.
But you need money to do it.
That money is called Robux.
You can earn Robux by working inside of the game.
I had to give Number 6 a reality check though, because he made $10,000 delivering pizzas in a half hour the other day and I was like, um… that’s not how it works in real life.
But you do get more health by taking a nap, so that part of the game is pretty much on the mark.
Anyway, if you don’t want to “work” by making $10,000 in 30 minutes delivering pizzas, then you can buy Robux.
You know how often a kid playing Roblox asks you to buy him Robux?
Well if you are in the Roblox stage you know.
If you aren’t in the Roblox stage, I’ll tell you.
All the fucking time.
So I came up with a solution.
If Number 6 wants Robux, and he doesn’t want to work in fake Bloxburg life, then he’s gotta work in real life.
And he gives me a “spa.”
If he agrees to give me a spa, then I know he really wants those Robux pretty darn badly.
He tells me to put on some spa music, and he watches something on the iPad while he’s earning his Robux.
That’s cheating a little, but whatever.
I’ll take what I can get.
For every minute he rubs my shoulders he gets $0.25.
It’s not the $20,000 an hour he earns delivering Bloxburg pizzas, but he’s happy with the arrangement.
If he wants $4 in Robux, I get a 16 minute spa.
He’s very good at it, actually.
You’re welcome, Number 6’s future spouse!
So I do a little work on the computer and I get a little shoulder massage at the same time.
Number 6 gets his Robux.
Everyone is happy.
And the annoying problem is solved.