Yesterday some motherfucker hacked my email.
I changed my password, but it’s still not fixed.
I can’t get any incoming emails.
And I lost all my contacts.
I tried to get help from Geek Squad.
Once yesterday afternoon.
But I ran out of time because I had to take the kids to practice, and so I had to hang up.
So last night I tried again.
I waited on hold for 28 minutes to speak to someone who could help me.
My computer is also fucked up though, so after 20 minutes, this “expert” had gotten me absolutely nowhere.
And then we got disconnected.
I gave him my cell phone just in case, but he never called me back.
I wanted to throw the fucking computer out of the window.
And hunt down that hacker.
And sick my children on him.
I’m assuming the hacker was a man.
Although, considering my recent experiences at the Y, there’s a good chance that asshole is a woman.
Anyway, I’m not sure I have the energy to endure another marathon geek squad conversation with 7 children, who are conscious, in this house.
Because as soon as I get on the phone,one of them will be standing right next to me.
Out of nowhere.
Like a ninja.
And how to spell the names of every single girl she has ever known.
Two more will start to beat the crap out of each other.
Another one will find the poker from the fireplace and start running around the house with it.
And one more will have explosive diarrhea.
Which is why I never answer the phone.
I mean, I may be able to multi-task.
But if I’m going to take on diarrhea squirting, fire poker wielding, ninja crafters who want to kill each other, well, I’m going to need both my hands.
So I’m really looking forward to today…
Now, to save you from going through this yourself…
If you get an email from Yahoo saying your account needs to be updated or it is going to be deleted, DON’T BE A STUPID SHIT LIKE ME AND GIVE THEM YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD.
I feel like such an idiot.
And if you receive an email from any of your contacts with the subject of “Sad and Terrible News”, well, then you have just been introduced to my asshole hacker.
Here is the email:
I’m sorry I didn’t inform you about our traveling. My family and I came down here to Rome – Italy on a short vacation and as i write to you now. Unfortunately we were mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed,all cash,credit card and cell were stolen off us and other valuable things but luckily for us we still have our life and passports with us.
I need you to loan me some cash ($1,750) i promise to refund it back to you once i get home,thanking Almighty God for saving us. I still have some cash in my account but i can’t access any here right now, already canceled all my cards immediately after the muggers took our things off us! still at the public internet library where am making use of the free internet access, i will forever be grateful to read back from you.
Consider yourself warned.
And I’ll leave you with this, which a friend from high school wrote in repsonse to yesterday’s post and the hacker email:
I’m amazed that you were at the Y this morning, when according to an email from your account (to whs1987) you are in Rome with the family on a quick spur of the moment vacation, got mugged, and need money asap.
(I knew immediately it couldn’t be true, because there is no way #4 would have taken any shit from a mugger).
That made me laugh.
Now I’m off for a date with Geek Squad.
Have a hack-free weekend.
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