There is a lot of stuff swirling around in my head.
All the time.
It can be a little chaotic in there.
Lots of ideas.
Which lead to lots of tangents.
And sometimes I have a hard time staying focused.
Okay. Almost all the time I have a hard time staying focused.
Once something pops into my head, I feel the need to act on it.
The problem is, this happens multiple times a day.
So I end up starting something, getting sidetracked, starting another thing, getting sidetracked, and never actually finishing anything.
I have like 157 unfinished things in the works.
All of them have potential, but I wasn’t seeing any of them through to fruition.
I was spread way too thin. Running on a treadmill. Unbelievably scattered. Totally inefficient.
A large part of the problem is organization.
Or a lack of it.
Not having a system.
I had nothing in place to keep track of all these thoughts.
Hence the feeling that I needed to act on most of them immediately for fear of forgetting them.
The other issue was being pretty unrealistic about the amount of time it will take me to complete a project.
I have become pretty good a getting shit done in a short amount of time.
That happens when you have seven children. You act fast.
So I kind of put myself on a schedule where the only 2 inputs were me and the task at hand.
I forgot to add in all those other factors.
Like the kids getting sick.
A babysitter cancelling.
Being woken up 5 times by 5 kids in the middle of the night and being so exhausted I couldn’t really function the next day.
I also forget that all adults don’t operate at my speed.
My expectations for what they will accomplish in a certain time period are often a little skewed.
These warped expectations were not helping me.
So 6 weeks ago I was losing my mind, completely frustrated with all the things I wanted to get done, but couldn’t get to.
I was frustrated with my inability to finish anything.
Frustrated with so many ideas and so little time.
Then five weeks ago, I hired Alice.
I finally had some help.
Naturally, I expected to check pretty much every single one of my unfinished projects off my list by the end of that first week.
When that didn’t happen, I found myself feeling frustrated again.
Nothing was happening immediately.
My expectations were still unrealistic.
I was still scattered.
I was still trying to do fifteen different things, rather than prioritizing, and completely focusing on one item on the list.
This was pointed out to me by the therapist about three weeks ago.
So I narrowed the focus down even more.
And now, five weeks in, I have completely checked 2 things off the list.
There is more order on the outside.
Which has resulted in more order on the inside.
And that’s what I learned in therapy last week.
If there is chaos on the outside, there is definitely chaos on the inside.
Now I realize it will never be totally spic and span inside this head of mine.
But it’s definitely getting tidier.
Things are getting checked off.
I have a little more order on the outside.
Which is straightening things up on the inside.
And that feels pretty good.
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