We started potty training  Number 4 when she was about 2 1/2.

Just like with the rest of our kids, every time she achieved success on the potty, she got a couple of m&ms.

It took her about 2 pees to connect the dots…

And she started peeing and pooping about 147 times a day.

So we had to put an end to the m&m’s.

Now, on a slightly different note…

When we got our Suburban 6 years ago, it came with a dvd player already installed.

Which, at the time, was pretty cool, and still less common than more common.

We may have overindulged in the dvd-watching-in-the-car department. 

I hardly even knew my kids were in the car with me.

Yep.  It was awesome.

But then I had a conversation with a woman I used to teach with.  She’s about 20 years older than me.

And she said, “Ha!  We didn’t need those when my kids were young.  We made road trips for thousands of miles without any sort of technology in the car.”

I wanted to punch her.

Good for you lady.

But I know what you were really thinking…


Remember, I know one of your kids. 

And I would bet large sums of money that given the opportunity, you would have shoved in a dvd and slapped a pair of headphones on your kid in a matter of seconds.

Now, that being said, I have something else to say.

Yesterday I saw this.



Are you fucking kidding me???

Yes.  That’s an ipotty.

An i-fucking-potty.

When I take my kids for their yearly check-ups, one of the questions the doctor always asks is, “What about screen time?  They are limited to a maximum of one hour per day… RIGHT?!?!?”

And like every other parent out there…

I lie.

And say,

“Of course.  Ppphhhhh….

If that.”

I mean come on. I’ve got plenty of other shit to get me in trouble at the doctor’s office.

Now forget the fact that we are entering an era where your kid cannot even take a screen-free shit…

If you think I am going to put a valuable piece of equipment in my bathroom, unattended (because isn’t that the point?  so we don’t even have to interact with the kid on the shitter?), well, then you must be new to this blog.

As you know, we don’t have good luck in the toilet department.

You’ve seen the pictures.



I’m not putting that kid and an ipad anwhere near a toilet.

In fact, I’m not putting that kid  anywhere near an ipad.

That’s Number 6.

He got ahold of my husband’s phone, and it took my husband about a month to figure out how to stop sending me texts in Portugese.

He threw my cell phone in the pool.

Plus, yesterday Number 6 “washed the DS.”

In the sink.

I haven’t even told his brother about that.

So yeah.

Way to much shit (and non-shit) goes down, or partially down, in our bathroom for me to add a $500 piece of equipment into the mix.

And, call me a hypocrite, but…

My kid is going to learn how to take a dump the old fashioned way.

Reading a magazine.

Just like his mom 🙂 



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