This is your face on drugs.

The other day I wrote this about Number 4.

Since then, she has not relented in her efforts to either put me in the nuthouse or the grave.

I’m running out of energy.

As well as the will to live…

When I was about 8 or 9, I was first introduced to makeup.

Not by my mom.  My mom never wore any makeup.

But I can’t say that about my Aunt C.

Aunt C never got married or had kids.  I think she lived a pretty glamorous and jet set kind of  life.

She was the Samantha Jones of our family.

samantha jones

So anyway, one Christmas Aunt C gave me some eyeshadow.

It was the most grown up thing I had ever received, and I ran directly into the bathroom and put that shit on my eyes.

And when I didn’t think it showed up dark enough, I got the applicator wet, made an eyeshadow paste, and seriously caked that crap onto my face.

My mother was horrified.

But I still remember that Christmas…

So I got Number 4 and 5 some eyeshadow and lipstick for Christmas this year, and I put it in their stockings.

Just for fun.

Now, mind you, I’m fairly conservative when it comes to raising little girls.

No pierced ears until they are 13.

No makeup (outside the house) until high school.

No midriff-baring clothing.

No shoes with heels until high school either.

And while I have to pull a do as I say and not as I do, I am going to try my hardest to keep them tatoo free.


But they can play dress up and put on some makeup at home.

Well, at least they could.

I might need to change the rules.

For Number 4 anyway.

I know I’m a little biased.

But she’s a beauty.

ingie no makeup

That face doesn’t need any enhancing.

But yesterday, unbeknownst to me, Number 4 got into my makeup bag.

I was up in the office at the time and didn’t know what she was up to.

She walked into the playroom.

And I heard my husband gasp.

It was reminiscent of the sound my mother made that Christmas many years ago.




“Did Mommy say you could do that?” I heard him ask, his voice shaky.

“Um, can you come and look at… this?” he asked.

After some heavy sighing and serious eye-rolling, I went downstairs.

And this is what I saw.



Maybe the makeup wasn’t such a good idea.

This flashed before my eyes.

lindsaySo I threatened to revoke Number 4’s makeup priveleges.

To which she replied:

“Mom, you’re very difficult.

And sometimes I wish I could just spend one day away from you.”


You and me both, Number 4.

You and me both. 



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