1. Croquet balls will leave a nice bruise when your brother whips one at you.
2. I should not have opened a Facebook account for my clueless husband who really freaking pissed me off last night.
3. One of my children is guaranteed to lose or break at least one pair of goggles every day.
4. I need to find a job to support my family’s swim goggle habit.
5. As soon as I sit down, someone is going to tell me they are hungry or thirsty.
6. Writing shit down on the calendar doesn’t really help if you never actually look at the calendar.
7. If I clean a toilet, someone will take a massive, messy poop in it 5 minutes later.
8. Wait until the baby throws up on herself 3 times, and then change her clothes.
9. My girls are going to have green hair until the pool is closed. There’s no fighting it.
10. I need to find a better way to keep track of stuff, because I found 2 shirts and a sweater in the school lost and found that I didn’t even know were missing.
11. I will never remember to order new checks before I run out of them.
12. Without ranch dressing and peanut butter, this family is basically paralyzed.