I’ve been working pretty hard on several aspects of myself over the course of the past few years.
I’ve worked on my mind,
my body,
my children,
my house.
I have made a lot of healthy changes.
But there’s one area that still needs attention.
My marriage.
It almost always comes last.
I am fully aware that that is not healthy.
I’m fully aware that it needs to be a priority.
I realize that I am setting the stage for the kind of relationship that my children, and daughters in particular, will have with their husbands.
So it’s time to do something.
Now it takes two.
You both bring things to the table. I can only take care of my things.
But I’ve been in kind of a he’s- got- to-make-the-first-move (or first 25 moves) before I do anything.
I suppose that’s kind of childish.
Someone’s got to take the initiative.
And I’ve got plenty of things to take care of.
Like gratitude…
Saying thank you…
Telling my husband I love him. You know, for no reason. Not just when we are hanging up the phone…
Choosing the television over having a conversation with him…
The list definitely goes into the double digits.
My husband and I have not exchanged Christmas gifts in three or four years.
As soon as money got tight, that was one of the first things to go.
I’ve been using this as an excuse to not give him any gift at all.
But there is a gift I can give him that no amount of money can buy.
One that I know he would love.
I can work on my marriage and my relationship with my husband.
I can work on that double digit list of stuff I bring to the table.
I’ve made some lame attempts in the past.
I’ve said stuff like this before.
I’ve expressed the extent to which I can be a bitch to him.
I’ve changed things for like,
um,
2 days,
and then I’ve gone right back to my regular ways.
Nothing has “stuck.”
I know what I need to do.
I need practice.
I need repetition.
So I was thinking about repetition.
And Christmas.
And gifts.
And then it came to me.
The most repetitious song of all-time.
The 12 days of Christmas.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
Yesterday was the first day of Christmas.
Perfect.
And so begins the work on my marriage.
I will give my true love a gift every day for the next 12 days.
I wrote a post a while ago about “deposits.”
If you have no idea what I’m talking about, read this.
I started yesterday.
Unbeknownst to my husband.
I figured I’d give my husband sex for Christmas.
Yes, that’s a good enough gift.
But let me explain to you how I went about initiating it.
It will paint a picture for you of all the other “stuff ” I need to work on…
We went to my parents’ house yesterday for Christmas.
By the time we got home, we were worn out.
But it was still pretty early.
I have a tendency to roll my eyes at my husband.
You know, to make sure he’s aware that I’m totally annoyed by him.
So, last night after we got the kids inside, and into bed, and the car was unloaded, and things had settled down, my husband was in the kitchen.
He was cleaning.
I know.
What an asshole, right?
I had some stuff to do in the office.
So I walked into the kitchen and said to him,
“Do you want to have sex tonight, or what?”
He smiled, kind of chuckled to himself, and then said,
“Um…
Yeah.”
In a very loving and filled-with-the-Christmas-Spirit-way, I replied with,
“Okay. Don’t fall asleep, and don’t say anything stupid so I don’t change my mind.”
And then I turned around and walked up the stairs.
What kitchen-cleaning husband wouldn’t appreciate that?
I think I need to work on my approach a little.
This morning I told my husband I wanted to go for a run.
I needed to go for a run.
His response?
“Why don’t I make breakfast and clean up the kitchen so you can go now?”
I know, right? Total DICK!
Now don’t go attacking me.
He really can be the Duke of Douche at times.
But he has some really awesome qualities.
And I hardly ever acknowledge them.
Or thank him.
I was thinking about it on my run.
You know, while he was home voluntarily making breakfast for the kids.
And so, when I got back from my run,
I did something I very rarely do.
Especially if there are no witnesses.
I thanked my husband.
Yeah, I know, for most of you that’s probably automatic.
But for me,
for a number of reasons,
it’s just not.
With practice though, I’m intent on changing that.
So while I could probably use more like 47 Days of Christmas to fix all the unhealthy crap I bring to the table in our marriage,
well,
twelve will just have to do.
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a deposit in the Bank of Janney.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two tha-ank you’s, and a deposit in the Bank of Janney….
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Melissa says
Stop making me tear up! My husband is a hardass, but absolutely helps out as well. I gotta practice what you preach. I need to randomly hug him some more. Love your blog. Thanks for keeping it real. Your family is amazing. 7 kids – whew! You are fierce!
not your average mom says
Melissa,
Thank you for reading! Now go give your husband a hug 😉
Susie 🙂