This afternoon I was sitting with a couple friends watching Number 3’s baseball game.
All of our sons play on the same team, and one of the friends lives just down the road from me.
After I had unfolded my chair, sat down and gotten all my stuff settled, she said to me, “Have you heard the story about the tunnel and the train?”
I wasn’t quite sure what she was talking about. Maybe she had heard a joke?
I told her that I hadn’t heard of it.
And she proceeded to tell me the following story.
Every day my friend and her son (who is nine years old), share the worst thing that happened each day followed by the best thing.
My friend’s son asked her what her worst thing was that day.
My friend works at a nursing home. She had gotten home late that night because there had been an issue with two of the residents there.
She said to her son, “Getting stuck at work and getting home late was the worst thing today.”
“What happened?” her son asked.
“Well, these two people-”
“HAD SEX?” her son interrupted.
My friend was caught off guard. That came out of nowhere.
She looked at her son.
“Um, where did that come from?” she asked him.
“What do you mean when you say sex?” my friend asked her son.
“You know, like the tunnel and the train,” her son answered.
My friend wasn’t sure where he was going with this.
“What do you mean by that?” my friend asked.
So my friend’s son told her this story:
One day a mom was taking a shower, and her little son asked if he could take a shower with her.
“Okay,” she told him, “but just don’t look down.”
“Why not?” the little boy asked.
“Because that’s where Mommy’s tunnel is,” she told him.
The next night, the little boy’s father was taking a shower, and he asked the same thing.
“Can I take a shower, too?” he asked.
“Okay,” said the dad. “Just don’t look down.”
“Why not?” asked the little boy.
“Because that’s where Daddy’s train is,” he told him.
The next night, the little boy had a bad dream and he climbed into his parents’ bed.
Alarmed by what he saw, he yelled, “Mommy! Wake up! Daddy’s train is in your tunnel!”
My friend’s son giggled.
“Sex is when a man puts his train in your tunnel,” my friend’s son told her.
“Where did you hear this story?” my friend asked her son.
“On the bus,” he told her.
“Who told it to you?” she asked him.
Her son giggled even more…
And then he said to his mom,
“Number 4 told it to me.”
Oh. My. God.
And while we’re at it, maybe we’ll keep her off the bus for a while, too.
Like until she’s a senior in high school.