Last month I decided to surprise my husband with a challenge.
The 30 Days of Sex Challenge, or as a friend referred to it, The Lay A Day Challenge.
Well, it’s July 1st.
I know some of you are interested to hear how it went.
I won’t give you all the details.
But I’ll give you the important ones…
Day 1: I am enthusiastic and ready to go. Like a woman with a resolution to lose 20 pounds going to the gym on New Year’s Day.
Day 2: Tired. But successful. Feeling connected to my husband.
Day 3: Three for three, but wondering what the fuck I got myself into. I should have trained for this.
Day 4: At a baseball game, standing next to my husband when a friend and reader walks past and asks, “How’s it going?” wink wink. nudge nudge.
I think that’s hilarious.
My husband, who is much more private than I am? Not so much.
Day 5: My husband catches the virus from hell that four of the kids have. It’s not a man cold. It’s a legit illness. S-E-X is a no-go.
Day 6 – 10: I do not allow my husband within ten feet of me for fear of catching the hell virus.
Day 11: I propose we get back on the wagon. My husband is all for it.
I fall asleep approximately twelve seconds after my head hits the pillow.
Day 12: I go to the dentist. A new dentist. One of the only dentists around who takes our insurance.
I have a really, really bad cavity.
She gives me a shot of novocaine. I can still feel my tooth. She starts drilling. I flinch.
She gives me another shot of novocaine. I can still feel my tooth. She starts drilling. I flinch.
Repeat two more times.
Four shots of novocaine later, I cannot feel the right side of my face.
The dentist goes to work.
Ten minutes later, she gasps.
“You moved your lip suddenly and the drill cut you.”
There are two hands, a drill, that suction thingy and some other shit in my mouth.
I think, “I cannot feel my face. I did not feel you cut me. How the fuck did I move my lip suddenly?”
I say, “flmmphthem ttthhhhlllsspht f&%%$$ING flmlnnnphtthhhhhhhhhcchhh!!!”
I walk out of the dentist’s office with a fat, wounded, and still numb lip. There is no way my mouth is going near anything and no way anything is going near my mouth.
Day 13 – 16: Lip Gash Recovery.
Day 17 – 30:
Number 5 and 6’s birthday.
Last day of school.
Number 5’s birthday party.
Coach for 30 hours Friday through Sunday at big ass swim meet.
Number 3’s birthday.
Number 3’s birthday party.
Chaperone trip to amusement park.
Small fight with my husband.
Discover Orange is the New Black Season 3 and Scandal season 4 released on Netflix.
5000 travel baseball practices and games.
Realize I probably should have looked at the calendar and maybe picked a different month to attempt this challenge.
Day 31: Look at calendar and realize it’s July 1st.
Text my husband.
DING DING DING DING DING!
Reena lewis says
A hilarious post to read for my first time on your site! I guess that’s why you’re ranked #1. Looking forward to reading up on the antics of Round 2.
NatasHA says
Hilarious….looking forward to reading more!!!!!
Indah Nuria Savitri says
hahahahaha…I can’t help but grinning widely reading this :)…good luck for round two 🙂
Kimpossible says
It look him a whole 3 minutes to reply. Clearing he was in a low reception area.