Remember That Time At Costco?

We got back from our trip to Richmond on Sunday night. After being gone for six days, there wasn’t much food in the house.

Yesterday (Monday) I had plans to get caught up on laundry, clean some stuff up and get to the grocery store, but as so often happens, things did not run completely according to plan, and at 6:00, I still had not gone food shopping.

So I told the kids we were going to Costco and that they could get something to eat there for dinner.

Going to the store with five kids is not exactly my idea of fun. But with Number 7 being almost six years old and Number 3 being twelve, it’s not quite as bad as it was two or three (or four or five) years ago.

Rather than drag them around the store with me, I told them they could order their food and eat it together while I was shopping.

This is a stage of parenting that I have to admit I am really enjoying. This independence thing does not suck.

I put Number 4 in charge of ordering the food, made sure they all had a spot to sit, and then I headed into Costco solo.

It was glorious.

I didn’t have to get that much, so it only took me about ten minutes.

When I got in line to pay for everything, I could see all the kids sitting down eating.

They looked calm and well-behaved.

I immediately thought to myself, I need to take a picture of this and write a post about it. About this stage of parenting where things are slightly less labor intensive. Where your kids aren’t trying to swipe everything within arm’s reach off the shelves. Where you don’t have to deal with an infant seat or those stupid cloth things you put into the cart so your first kid (cause let’s face it, by the second or third or seventh kid you don’t really give a flying f*ck) is protected from everyone else’s germs. Where you don’t have to take your kid into the bathroom and change a diaper on those disgusting changing stations attached to the wall. Where you can appreciate your kids being older rather than getting all sentimental about how quickly they are growing up.

Where you don’t leave the building feeling like you’ve just gone twelve rounds with Mike Tyson.

So after I paid, I headed over to the table where the kids were.  I stopped my cart and got my phone out. I told them how much I appreciated them eating together and behaving so I could quickly get my shopping done, and I asked if I could take their picture.

As I was focusing the camera, Number  7 saw a penny on the ground an immediately climbed under the table.

I don’t know what Number 6 was doing, but he was distracted by something behind him.

I snapped the picture.

At that exact moment, Number 6’s head somehow hit his drink, knocking it over.

Its entire contents spilled out of the cup, flowed across the table, and directly onto…

Number 7’s head.

Number 7 had a thirty second freak out and started bawling.

I felt bad, but it was so funny, Number 3 and I couldn’t stop laughing.

I got about five thousand napkins and attempted to dry Number 7 off.

And then I said to Number 3, “How funny would it be if I actually caught that moment in the picture?”

After Number 7 was mostly dry, I looked at my phone, and sure enough, the only picture I managed to take was the exact moment the Pepsi floodgates opened up.

I showed it to Number 7 and she went from hysterically crying to hysterically laughing. And then the six of us had the biggest laugh we’ve had in a long, long time.

I sent a sticky Number 7 and a still laughing Number 4 over to get some ice cream, and then we all headed out of Costco.

So even when the kids get older, life is still a shit show. But it’s a different kind of shit show. A shit show that you can all appreciate together.

I miss having babies sometimes. I’m sure I always will.

But I like relating to my kids on this different level. It’s fun. And while they still drive me batshit crazy most days, it’s not quite so lonely now that they are a little older.

I’ll appreciate this stage where the kids (and I) can enjoy a little more freedom.

One day I’ll be a grandma and get to enjoy the baby phase again. And maybe I’ll go to Costco with Number 7 to help her out when she has a little one of her own.

As we’re walking out of checkout line and past the food, we’ll both look at each other and say, “Remember that time Number 6 spilled his entire drink on your head?”

And then we can have another real good laugh together on another whole new level.



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Next Stop, Richmond, Virginia

Number 3 and 4 first joined the swim team six years ago.

They swam on the town team which only swims in the summer and practices in the lake at the town beach. It’s a rinky dink little team, but it was the perfect introduction to swim team for them. They both loved it.

Of course, growing up a swimmer and swimming all the way through my senior year in college, I was  pretty psyched when they asked to join the swim team.

It’s hard not to live vicariously through them. Too much.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t doing that at all.

It’s also hard to balance their desire to do well and win and be the best with the knowledge that the burnout factor in swimming is very, very high.

There aren’t too many kids who are ranked among the top swimmers in the state as ten-year-olds who are still swimming when they are in high school.

So it’s a fine line.

Pull the trigger too soon and you risk them falling out of love with the sport before they really get to the good part. The part where they learn all the important life lessons that have both gotten me through some of the darkest times of my life and also given me the closest friends of my life.

Anyway, here they are after a meet that very first season.

Number 3 had just turned seven, and Number 4 was five years old (two months away from six).

They both exhibited natural talent and ability early on.

And now, six years later, here they are.

(Number 7 is the age now that Number 4 was six years ago when they first started swimming 🙂 )

Both Number 3 and 4 had great seasons this summer.  And they both qualified for a big meet in Richmond, Virginia this week called Eastern Zones Long Course Championships. It’s a four day meet where the top swimmers from states up and down the East Coast will be swimming.

They both set goals to make it to this meet this summer, and they both did it. I am so proud of them!!!

So, with the knowledge that they are swimming in some relatively elite circles at a fairly young age (which increases the pressure they may put on themselves), we are headed off to Richmond, Virginia tomorrow where I get to watch the two of them swim not as their coach, but simply as their mom (which I am very much looking forward to).

I drop Number 3 off with the other swimmers from CT who are 11 years old and older at 6:45 a.m. tomorrow morning (they all ride together on a coach bus and stay in a hotel together as a team) and then I’m making the 413 mile trip from Connecticut to Virginia with Number 4, 5, 6, and 7 (because the swimmers who are ten and under have to stay with their parents).

It’s gonna be interesting, no doubt, and if I survive the drive and the next six days with those four in a hotel room, I’ll be sure to keep you posted.

Wish me luck!


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A Book Review For Mom’s Like Me — Behind Closed Doors

editor’s note: I wrote this post simply because I appreciate a good book and a recommendation from someone I trust. But this post also contains affiliate links. Meaning if you decide to by this book off of Amazon by clicking on the link in the post, I will receive a (very small) commission. That helps me keep up with costs for this site.

But I got my copy of the book from the public library 🙂

It’s time for another book review!

First, a disclaimer.

I was not an English literature major or anything in college. So don’t be expecting anything professional.

As a busy and exhausted mom who still does not have large amounts of uninterrupted time to read anything, my criteria for a good book are as follows:

1) Degree of Difficulty — I like to read for entertainment. To escape. And I don’t want to have to think too hard. My attention span and level of energy are better than they used to be, but they still kind of suck. So… it needs to be a fairly easy read.

2) Narcolepsy Factor — I need to be able to read more than two paragraphs before I fall asleep.

3) FWOFF (First Week of Facebook Factor) — Obviously, if I find myself not being able to put the book down, and if I want to ignore my kids as much as I did those first few days I discovered Facebook and Pinterest, then that’s good.

4) Vacuum Factor — It can’t take like 100 or 50 or even 25 pages to suck me in. It kind of has to be immediate.

5) PTBD (Post Traumatic Book Disorder) — When I finish the book, I want to be missing the protagonist. Like to the degree of depression I felt when I watched the final episode of Breaking Bad.

6) The Goldilocks Factor — Too much sex, too little sex, or just the right amount of sex. A little bit of a naughty factor is good. But massive amounts of smut don’t really appeal to me.

7) Zoloft Factor — It can’t be depressing.

8)  Do Over Factor (DOF) — I don’t have to go back and reread pages, paragraphs or sentences multiple times because I can’t remember what the hell I just read.

9) Potty potential — If the chapters are short enough for me to read while I’m going to the bathroom, that’s a major bonus, because sometimes that’s the only time I have alone to read.

10)Neat Package Factor —  If the ending sucks, that’s not good. I’m a sucker for a happy ending. Or at least an ending where everything is resolved and wrapped up with a bow and I’m not left wondering why I spent all that time trying to get to the end of the book when I still have no idea how the hell the story finishes.

Now onto the book:  Behind Closed Doors by B. A. Paris.

In a nutshell, this book is about a a couple who appears to have the perfect marriage. It’s like peoples’ Facebook and Instagram posts. But we all know those aren’t a true depiction of reality.

If you like a twisted story, or if you want to be reassured that your marriage isn’t as fucked up as it could be, then this is for you. (I told you this wasn’t a professional review).

Now for the scores:

1) DD (10 = easy read, 1 = whoah, I have to think way too hard to follow this shit): 10 

2) Narcolepsy Factor (10 = I can’t believe I’m still awake, 1 = I’ve been on the first page for four weeks now): 15

3) FWOFF (10 = I haven’t checked on the kids in 90 minutes and I cannot put this book down, 1 = I think I’ll go check Facebook because this book kind of blows): 20

4) Vacuum Factor (10 = I’m sucked in before the end of the first page, 1 = why the fuck am I reading this?): 10

5) Post Traumatic Book Disorder (10 = What will I do without the main character in my life?, 1 = Wait, who was the main character again?): 10

6) Goldilocks Factor ( 10 = just the right amount of naughtiness, 5 = no naughtiness at all, 1 = I should have just watched a porno): 1

7) Zoloft Factor (10 = it’s all good — no drugs necessary, 1 = I think I need a stronger antidepressant): 8

8) DOF (10 = no do overs necessary, 1 = I think I’ve read that sentence seventeen times): 10

9) Potty Potential (10 = I can finish a whole chapter by the time I have to flush, 1 = does this book even have chapters?) 6

10) Neat Package Factor (10 = All situations resolved, 1 = WTF?) 10

Final Score: 100/100

I loved this book. LOVED it.

If   Sleeping With the Enemy and Silence of The Lambs had a baby book, it would be this one.

There was just the right mix of fucked up crap in it, and when I was done reading it, I was left really missing it. (But if you like some serious sex scenes, you’ll be disappointed. Actually, if you like any sex scenes, you’ll be disappointed).

I wasn’t, though. I read it in a weekend. (It’s a great book to read if you are at the beach on vacation.)

Check this one out from the library asap!

(or you can get it on Amazon here):

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Not Your Average T-Shirts

Something exciting happened for me recently… I was accepted into Amazon’s Merch By Amazon program.

What does that mean?

It means I can add t-shirt designer to my resume!

As of right now, I have seven different t-shirt designs available.

Check them out! (click on t-shirt description for more details)

For The Mom With The Occasional Potty Mouth

For The Mom  Who Likes To Work Out

For The Mom Whose Got Kids In Sports

For The Mom Who Is Always Late (and has a sense of humor about it)

For The Mom Who Hates Doing Laundry

For The Mom  Who Is Sick Of Her Kids Walking Right Past Their Father And Then Asking Her To Open A GoGurt When She Is Trying To Poop

And For The Mom Who Shops At Costco (or anywhere):

Great ideas for a fun, last-minute Mother’s Day gift if you need one.

Stay tuned for more designs coming soon!

Crazy 8 Sale On Now!