When I was a kid, your teacher gave you pencils on the first day of school.
And paper. And crayons.
And all the other shit you would need to get you through the day.
You know what my kids got on the first day of school?
A list of all the crap that I need to buy them for school.
Like pencils. And crayons. And markers. And dry erase markers.
And ear buds.
And graphing calculators.
And they also brought home this:
A fundraiser packet.
Now, my kids are not supposed to bring in treats to school for their birthdays anymore unless they are healthy, but on the first day of school they are encouraged to go out and beg people to buy chocolate chip cookies and caramel nut clusters and gummi bears from a company called…
Our country has been on the brink of financial ruin for the last few years.
Instead of teaching our young children the value of saving money, and buying out of necessity, we are teaching them to beg our neighbors and friends and relatives to buy complete and total garbage.
Who the fuck needs a Cell Phone Holder that looks like this?
Or a Zebra Jewelry Organizer?
And what percentage of the $8 I pay for the Serenity Prayer Plaque
or the $17 I pay for the piece of shit Monterey Taco Holder
is even going to be given to my school?
What a load of crap.
You know what?
Screw your fundraiser.
Don’t even send it home.
We will not participate.
Because what does the money even go to?
Parents pay for supplies. They pay security deposits for iPads. They pay for field trips. They pay for intramural sports. They even pay for high school sports.
How about we skip the assembly where my kid watches a dude blow a bunch of bubbles?
Or, even better (because my kids really do enjoy the bubble blowing assembly) how about this…
You want us to give you money (because when it comes down to it, we all end up ordering most of the stuff for our kids ourselves anyway)?
Give me something worthwhile in return.
Organize a fundraiser that would actually do some good.
We have a problem with childhood obesity in this country.
How about you organize a kids’ race?
Encourage kids to get up and move.
How about offering a healthy cooking class and a yoga class and a dance class where all the proceeds go to the school?
Or, even better…
How about offering parents a Mom and Dad’s Night Out for 10 bucks a kid?
Have the high school kids who are interested in childhood education work it.
Let it count toward their volunteer hours. Or let it count for a class period.
That’s a win-win all around.
That would be something I could use, that would be something worthwhile, and that is definitely something I would gladly pay (large amounts of) money for.
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