A couple days ago, I wrote about the newest addition to our house,
Fucking Rainbow Loom.
You can read about that here.
In case you live under a rock,
or are fortunate enough to have children who are in their twenties,
or no children at all,
Rainbow Loom is a piece of plastic,
another piece of plastic,
24 tiny little pieces of plastic,
and about 400,000 rubber bands.
You are supposed to use all four of those things in combination to make a bracelet.
A couple days ago, I assigned Number 3 the task of figuring out how to do this.
The only thing he accomplished was breaking the hook, which had been lost for days and took us about 45 minutes to find.
Number 3 has been having some issues with his behavior in school. His teacher and I have set up a little system where she writes a number on a scale of 1-10 on a post-it and sends it home with him to let me know how he did during the day.
So I told Number 3 that when he came home with a 10, I’d help him make a bracelet.
He came home with a perfect score yesterday.
So last night, I went straight to You Tube.
I googled how to make a Rainbow Loom bracelet.
There are thousands of videos.
Most of them made by annoying little 7-year-old girls who make these fuckers in about 47 seconds with the skill and dexterity of a neurosurgeon.
Number 3 sat down next to me.
“Thank you for making me a bracelet, Mommy,” he said sweetly. And appreciatively.
I had already lost most of my patience. I was already about 14 steps behind the annoying 7-year-old.
“Can you just leave me alone so I can figure out how to do this???” I snapped.
It took me 2 tries, but I finally figured it out.
“I did it! Number 3! I did it! Do you want your bracelet!” I was feeling rather proud of myself.
He ran upstairs to the office.
I handed him his bracelet.
I waited with anticipation for my hug, and to hear the so infrequently uttered words,
“You’re the best mom ever!”
He took one look at it, threw it on the floor, yelled,
“THAT’S NOT A FISHTAIL! THIS BRACELET IS STUPID!”
and ran out of the room.
So much for being sweet and appreciative.
This shitty little bracelet,
which took me 30 minutes to figure out how to make, is called the single pattern bracelet, which is, apparently,
so two months ago.
Because now those annoying little 7-year-olds are making
and the Starburst
and the Zippy Chain.
And now it’s not just bracelets.
They Rainbow Loomineers are making other crap now.
They are making
This smiling family, who are clearly disciples of Satan,
There is nothing super fun about Fucking Rainbow Loom.
Instead of super fun, I got a kid in a time out, the world’s lamest bracelet, carpal tunnel syndrome, and a raging case of rheumatoid arthritis.
Where’s Erin Brockovich?
I smell a class action suit.
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