I had a shitty Mom day today.
Like probably one of my Top 10 Worst Parenting Days ever.
I had big expectations for myself in the productivity department, and then we had a snow day.
All the kids were home, my plans went out the window and I was really pissed about it.
Really pissed about it.
I was having an extremely hard time focusing on the positive. Or even finding it.
I tried to rein myself in. Repeatedly.
But one kid is sick (again!) and was hysterically crying at about fifteen minute intervals all day long.
The other kids were at each other constantly.
I tried really hard to reset my clock. I looked at my tattoo about a hundred times.
Fall down seven times stand up eight.
I tried to redirect and be present.
I tried to adjust my attitude over and over again.
But I just couldn’t do it. Every single thing was setting me off. I lost my shit more than once today.
And you know what?
When you get to that state, you cannot do anything logically or rationally.
That’s why sometimes when you go completely ballistic you often don’t even remember what the f*ck you said.
And so when I got to that point for the third time today, you know what I did?
I put myself in a time out.
Because that’s what time outs are for.
They are for cooling off.
The are for finding your shit once you lose it.
So I went to my room.
I told the kids I needed to be away from everyone.
That calmed them down way more than a full-on freak out did.
When I quietly said, “I need to be alone for a little while so I can calm down because I don’t like the kind of mom I’m being,” my kids were like HOLY. SHIT.
And for a full hour I stayed in my room.
I did nothing.
I tried to let go of the fact that I wasn’t productive today. That I got nothing done.
Unless you count yelling at my kids. I definitely did that.
I really lost it on one of them.
That’s when I realized I needed a break. And I allowed myself to take it.
I wish I had figured this out earlier, but it’s okay.
Because while I definitely modeled some behavior I wouldn’t want my kids to copy, I also showed them something really healthy and responsible.
Will they put themselves in a “time out” the next time they lose their shit?
But we’ll be able to talk about it at least.
Remember that time I got really mad and I told you guys that I needed a time out? Do you think that would help you now?
I may have had some less than stellar parenting moments today.
But I ended with a good one.
And rather than focusing on today’s failures, I’m gonna focus on that significant success, get a good night’s sleep, and start over tomorrow.
Because there’s no manual for this parenting thing.
And there sure as hell aren’t any off switches for all those damn buttons our kids know how to push.
But there’s always a clean slate in the morning.
And, you know…
Fall down seven times, stand up eight.