Let me begin by saying that my husband is a wonderful father.
I was selling girl scout cookies with Number 4 a few weeks ago and one of the other moms there asked where the rest of my kids were.
“They’re home with their dad.”
“He’s alone with them?”
So I guess I take the fact that he’s completely willing, capable and hands-on for granted.
He’s also an extremely talented carpenter. He has built some amazing homes from the ground up. I can rip out a picture from a magazine, say build this, and in two days, it’s done.
But put the remote in his hands, and he’s rendered almost helpless.
I find it so contradictory for a dude that can MacGyver some scraps of wood and a couple nails into just about anything.
So the other night I needed to take a shower. Badly. And I just couldn’t wait until after the kids were asleep.
They usually watch a show before they go to bed, but since it was spring break, we said we’d buy an on-demand movie. We had checked out the options the night before, and they had decided on George of the Jungle 2.
So I gave my reclining husband the remote.
“Find George of the Jungle 2. I think it’s in the new release section.”
And I quickly tiptoed into the bedroom before anyone realized I had left. I turned on the shower. Mmmmmm. 5 minutes of peace.
“MOM! Dad picked the wrong movie!!!” yelled Number 3, slamming open the bathroom door.
Okay, 30 seconds of peace.
“Well tell him to get the right one. Let me take a shower.”
And what’s an orgy?”
OH. MY. GOD.
Let me also explain that my husband has one talent which far surpasses all the others.
He can fall asleep in seconds. And I swear to you, I’m not exaggerating.
If falling asleep were an Olympic sport, my husband would kick everyone’s ass. He’s like the Michael Phelps of falling asleep.
It’s really annoying.
Mostly annoying because I’m jealous.
But also annoying when he falls asleep with the remote in his hands and accidentally and unconsciously purchases A Good Old Fashioned Orgy for the kids to watch.
I guess from now on, the showers will have to wait until after everyone is in bed.
Everyone including my husband.