I can feel the question coming.
I know when you are about to ask it. I’ve been asked hundreds of times.
Whether I’m walking into the gym,
or the grocery store,
or the school.
When I’m in the stands at a swim meet,
or the bleachers at a baseball game,
at a birthday party,
or on the playground .
You will ask. Incredulously. And rudely.
“Are they all yours?”
I don’t do this to you.
I don’t look at you in your fancy car and yell out,
“Yikes! Is that car yours?
Did you pay for that thing all by yourself?”
I don’t walk into your home, which is three times the size of mine, and begin the interrogation.
“Do you own this thing? That can’t be possible! It’s so huge! It can’t actually be all yours! Is this really all yours???”
I do not ask the fat, bald, and seriously old dude with the hot, young blond walking next to him,
“Is that chick actually your wife?”
And I don’t look at your huge double D’s,
even if they are obviously fake, and ask, in front of your children,
“Holy shit! Those are some big tits! ARE THEY YOURS???”
My parents own their home.
They worked incredibly hard to pay for it.
But the land the house is built on was given to them by my great grandparents.
Does that mean it’s not their home?
Does it matter?
So back to your question.
Are they all yours?
I could try to spare your feelings.
I could give you an answer that would satisfy your curiosity while not making you, and your children, feel insulted and uncomfortable.
But you haven’t extended that courtesy to me.
So while what I actually want to say to you is,
It’s really none of your fucking business, here is my answer:
We are all a family.
Technically it may not answer your rude and nosy question.
But hopefully, it will shut you the hell up.
Today’s post is sponsored by Macaroni Kid Brookfield – New Milford: Your resource for LOCAL family friendly events!
Click here to subscribe to the FREE weekly newsletter!
3rd PLACE SUCKS! I need your votes!
VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE! VOTE ! VOTE!
I’ll keep writing, you keep voting!
All you need to do is click on the banner above to register a vote for me!
You can vote one time every 24 hours from your computer and cell phone! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! I really appreciate your support!
Check out and “like” the not-your-average-mom.com facebook page!
Follow me on Twitter @mom_not_average
Megan Hicks says
Susie-I have been following your blog for awhile now. It is my daily dose of sanity! I really appreciate you posting this. I have five children (4 boys and 1 girl) and I am so tired of questions like this. I have actually had people tell me they are sorry when I tell them I have 4 boys. I’m not sorry and it would hurt me greatly if my boys heard that and thought I was. I think that I have been way too polite about this for way too long. I agree with you from here on out the make up of my family is no one’s business! Thanks again for keeping it real.
Amber says
I have 5 boys and have heard the “oh, I’m so sorry for you” also. I say, don’t be, we have a ton of fun and laugh while walking away. I don’t want my boys to think I feel bad about having all of them and no girls. People are so rude.
Lindsey Quellhorst says
I have 6, 3 boys and 3 girls ranging from 12 years to 10 months an I get “are they all yours?!” And “you know how that happens right?!” daily……. No idjit, I haven’t figured it out yet! Please tell me! I normally just go with, “I’m allergic to latex” and walk away
Deanna says
people can be rude.
Jennifer says
I get asked this ALL THE TIME! I am a mother of 6 — ages range from 19 to 4 — 3 boys and 3 girls. People stare and I know they are judging me and wondering all sorts of things, I am sure. I was actually asked at a pizza parlor, in front of my children, if I owned a TV — apparently this man was insinuating I had nothing better to do with my time and maybe I should take up watching TV instead? I was incredibly rude. People say I am crazy and how they can only handle 2 children. How to I respond to that? I tell them I’m not crazy — just incredibly lucky.
Rodica says
I am mother of … well, no one (unless you count my Jack Russel), but never crossed my mind to ask this question, strange to hear some people will even ask that. I guess for some women its hard to imagine so many pregnancies. When I was pregnant once, reading loads of pregnancy books, it was a little scary with the next 9 months described and everything that comes with it. Maybe some people might even ask that question in a silent strange sense of admiration and respect. Having one child and its such a huge life responsibility not to mention the pregnancy is not an easy period, let alone a large number. If they are all yours or not (as in a biological aspect) it just doesn’t matter, my respect is equal. And even more so wondering how the heck do you ever have time to run and train for marathons? Well, that’s the question I have! Time, and will, and discipline to organize, and determination not to do 50 other things in that allocated time. How you do it, I don’t know. You inspire me!
Kate D. says
Thanks, Susie. I deal with the same shit all the time. People trying to pidgeon hole my 5 kids and my family to satisfy their curiosity. We adopted some of our kids so the follow up obnoxious question from these people is “Which ones are really brothers and sisters?”, “Are they your natural children?” “Are you their real mom?”
Seriously? How ignorant. We are a family. Our love is real, so all of my kids are really my kids. I am the one who fixes the booboos, wipes away the tears, makes the lunches, reads the bedtime stories….so what am I- fake mom?
Ignorance is bullshit. The need to know other people’s story to satisfy curiosity is also bullshit.
Thank you for this.
Karen says
What they should be saying is … “Wow you are so lucky to have such a gorgeous, healthy family. You have been blessed!”
Gaye Yllanes says
As the mother of 15 I get this all the time. I have biological and adopted children and this is asked in front of my adopted children all the time. I know people are just curious and I try to answer politely, but sometimes they are just rude. I have gotten asked “which ones are the real ones”, are you kidding me? This from people who know we have 15 kids, but don’t personally know us. THEY ARE ALL REALLY MINE!! One of my sons is a comic in NYC and he actually put this in his monologue., so he handled it with humor, which makes me feel proud. Like Susie said, we are all a family!
Cheryl says
I can totally relate to this post. My parents have 14 children and I’m number 9. People can be so rude and down right disgusting. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard “boy, your parents must be busy.” “They must really like each other” “haven’t your parents ever heard of just watching tv?”…and the list goes on. And I used to hear this from my teachers right in front of the whole class. “Are you Catholic?” “Doesn’t your mom believe in birth control?” It used to drive me insane! And now that I’m pregnant with baby number 2 I’m hearing “geez, trying to catch up to your mom?” Really?!?! Bc my children will be 3 years apart you people that don’t pay our bills think I’m having another one too soon?? Next time I’ll consult you before having sex with my husband. Thanks! Lol…..like I said, I can relate…..and now I’m pissed again. Haha
Irene C. says
I have been in a similar situation. I have three girls (7, 3 & 3) and people ask me all the time, “Are you going to go for the boy?” or “That’s a lot of weddings.” or “Wait until they are teenagers.” Seriously, I have three HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL girls…and that is all I need. Don’t assume we want a boy or that my husband wants to “carry” the family name.
Natalie says
I am a mother of three with our fourth little one on the way. My children will all be born within 6 years of each other. I have people make comments like this a lot. I guess I don’t understand why you are so upset by it. Are they trying to be rude or are they just amazed that your doing such a wonderful job. So many people realize that having a large family is a lot of work. I know that if I saw your family I would admire you and not think bad things about you and your family.
stephanie says
As a white Mom to 3 beautiful bi-racial children, I get asked that a lot.
My favorite question though is “how do you do her hair”? They always ask is an exasperated, semi-pitying tone. WTF? UM, just like anyone else, you stupid, ignorant asshole.
Mum-Rah says
On the other side of the fence are those like me – Infertile with just the one solitary child.
I’m constantly asked ‘when are you going to have another’, ‘You can’t just have one it’s cruel’. etc etc.
Seems nobody is exempt from the stupids.
Renee says
We had that conversation just the other day at work where several ladies were saying how selfish and cruel it was to ONLY have one child! I burst into tears! We tried for years to get pregnant and were finally blessed with a child (who is 23 now). We would have dearly loved to have had more but just never were able to get pregnant again and I feel SO blessed to have been able to have one and for them to say I was cruel and selfish just did me right in! They all just looked at me because I couldn’t explain how insensitive their remarks were
Sarah says
THANK YOU! You put that perfectly…I have a blended family and I get this question “which kids are really yours?”. Seriously, they are ALL really mine.
Do you mind if I re-post this on my blog?
not your average mom says
Not at all 🙂
Anne says
That’s rude to ask someone. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do it.
sandy peters says
I hear ya! We have four biological children, four Asian adopted children, and three foster children who are bi-racial (black/white). People get so confused when they all call me MOM. Our three foreign exchange students also still call me mom. Then people ask me how many children I have. I always answer…”Are you asking how many I gave birth to, or how many ask me for money?”
Joan says
As the mother of six, I knew exactly what your post would discuss as soon as I read the headline.
When I was preganant with my later pregnancies, I was often asked (by strangers, no less) “Was it planned?” Excuuuse me? Did your mother plan you?
Joan says
One more thing whille I am ranting…When people find out I have six kids, they often say “Six kids? You look good.” The implication being: “You don’t look like the freak I would expect” or “You look like there is still some life left in you. How is that possible?”
Amy says
I have an only child and have infertility issues. My husband and I are perfectly happy with having an only. In less than 5 minutes at church today two ladies pointed out that it’s time for me to have a baby and if I would be having another. I’m always polite but one of these days I’m going to say “I’m infertile and can’t have anymore” and walk away ????
Marie says
We are a blended family of 5, and yep they are all ours. Our family. People are ridiculous.