Yesterday as I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw a link on a friend’s page: 10 Things Every Swimmer Does (But Would Never Admit to Doing)
I clicked on it.
It was pretty lame.
I mean, number 1 was Planning what you’re going to eat for dinner during afternoon practice.
Oooooooh. You crazy, dinner-planning swimmer, you.
I started thinking about it.
I have my own list.
It’s shorter, but it’s better.
Here it is:
7 (Interesting) Things Every Swimmer Does (But Might Not Admit to Doing)
1. Pee without taking your suit all the way off.
If you are a chick on the swim team, you have perfected the pull-the-crotch-of-your-suit-to-the-side-and-pee maneuver.
Because the only thing more tiring than a swim practice is trying to put a tight, wet swim suit back on in less than 30 seconds.
2. Feign a calf cramp or a goggle malfunction.
Because sometimes you just feel like being a pussy.
3. Use your period as a reason to skip practice.
4. Make out with another member of the swim team.
Swim teams are incestuous. All of them.
5. Have sex with another member of the swim team.
6. Complete a practice with the worst. Hangover. Ever.
This often happens the morning after items number 4 and 5.
7. Pee in the pool.
The statistics for this are the same as the ones for masturbation.
95% of swimmers pee in the pool.
The other 5% lie about it.
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