I was 35 when my husband and I got married. I had been living in my cute little condo before that. All alone. It was really nicely decorated. Almost magazine-worthy. In my spare time on the weekends I did things like paint furniture. You know, Martha Stewart-y kind of shit. So when we got married […]
Archives for March 2013
If at first you don’t succeed…
So I did it again. Yesterday I started a sentence with “When I was a kid…” This getting older crap sucks. Anyway. When I was a kid, you had some respect for the teacher. About 10 years ago when I taught 4th grade I had a student who was pretty much doing nothing in school. […]
Restricted Area. Authorized children only beyond this point.
I love that first night in the hospital after you have given birth. When all the visitors go home and it’s just you and the baby. You never get that time alone again where your only responsibility is to bond with your baby, feed him or her, and spend as much time as you want […]
I am not responsible for lost or stolen items. Please lock up your valuables.
On Tuesday my husband went to the bank and withdrew $150. He put forty bucks of gas in his truck and didn’t touch the rest of the money. He had two fifty dollar bills and a ten in his wallet. Yesterday he was at the lumberyard. He went to pay for whatever he was getting and […]
End of story. Period.
So you know how I feel about raising girls. Sometimes they suck. I mean, my three are all 6 and under, and at least one of them is in a constant state of this: We haven’t even reached that phase yet. You know… The period phase. Yesterday I was talking to a friend who has […]
Pioneer, Shmioneer
Dear Ree Drummond, Or as you like to call yourself, Pioneer Woman, I hate to break it to you, but you are not a pioneer woman. A pioneer woman did not drive this: She drove this: A pioneer woman’s family did not look like this: It looked like this: And a cat walking on your table while […]