Last week on Twitter I got a tweet with the hashtag, #FUD.
Having recently written a post about unloading your FUS after the death of Robin Williams, I thought it was a typo and was in reference to that.
But then I looked at the attached picture.
I was wrong.
It wasn’t a typo.
FUD is an acronym for…
Feminine Urination Device.
You have got to be kidding me.
For $9.99, you receive this:
A piece of plastic, a stylish bag to hold it in (but you get to choose the color!), and 3 plastic baggies.
Um,
okay.
Let’s ignore the chick aiming the gun directly at you in the ad and instead focus on what it says:
STOP USING GROSS PUBLIC TOILETS.
Hmmmm.
For me, the gross part of a public toilet isn’t the seat.
It’s going inside of it altogether.
Once you’re in there, who really gives a shit.
Where exactly are you supposed to use this Female Urination Device?
In the middle of a parking lot?
Don’t you still have to go inside the nasty porta-potty anyway?
And then rig up this FUD,
pee into a Ziploc baggie,
and then dump your pee into the nasty toilet hole?
That takes way more time and energy than just hovering and peeing, doesn’t it?
Now in case you can’t figure out how to use this stupid waste of money, don’t worry.
There are instructions!
Oh, there are so many things I love about this page.
First, notice the chick up in the upper left corner, smiling with her baggie full of pee.
Blond chick:I got a modeling gig!
Blond chick’s friend: Really? For what? Victoria’s Secret?
Blond chick: Not exactly…
Secondly, I bet Ziploc is really stoked about this endorsement.
Third, I love the heart imprint on the handle of the device. Nice touch.
Fourth, thank God step 3 makes sure to tell you to pull your pants down and your skirt up. I definitely would have skipped that part if left to my own…
devices.
Finally, my favorite.
The first line of the ad.
Using GottaTinkle! is as simple as peeing in a cup.
Uhhhh….
Here’s an idea.
If your hundred thousand dollar college education did not sufficiently teach you to cop a squat and pee pretty much anywhere on the face of the planet without splattering all over your legs like any respectable college education should, save yourself $9.99 and,
like the ad says,
pee in a fucking cup.
If it’s too late, if you’ve already blown $9.99 on this FUD (Fucked Up Device)
spend just a couple bucks more.
Get some of this:
I bet that stupid FUD makes some pretty good bubbles.
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